Ruined Fairy Tales

Talking Cats and Growly Masters

My heart beat frantically in my chest as I stood frozen, staring into the golden eyes that were easily the size of a duck egg, too large for me even to attempt to convince myself that it was just a racoon or possum that had found its way into the decrepit cottage by accident.

Had the prince even thought to check this building for any signs that a large predator had taken residence here? What if it was a bear? Or a small dragon? a werewolf? There was no way I would be able to escape from a creature like that, even if it took advantage of the easy meal that the prince was currently making.

My eyes slid briefly to the unconscious prince as my feet stayed frozen in place. Well, it would not exactly be a total loss if he served as such a distraction if it meant I was able to escape...

At that moment a large paw crept out of the shadows and a large, dark brown puma prowled into view, its golden eyes watching me intently as its slit pupils dilated, like a cat preparing to pounce.

My heart felt as though it was trying to beat its way out of my chest.

"Nice kitty..." I said sweetly, my feet finally cooperating again as I slowly began backing away towards the door. "I am nothing but skin and bones, darling, I doubt I even taste good. But that big meaty prince over there would make a delicious snack." I continued to move slowly away from the crouched predator, voice a soothing pitch that one used on wild creatures and small children (was there truly much of a difference between the two?), hoping I would make it to the doorway before it decided to leap for me. If only the damned prince would make a noise, distract the creature from me for just a moment...

The large creature suddenly plopped its bottom down on the dirt floor in a seated position much like a dog and grinned at me before it spoke. "Yous a funny lady. Maybe Master won't be so mad that yous here without his permission if he thinks yous funny."

I had been temporarily overtaken by insanity. That was the only explanation.

"Excuse me?" I sputtered, freezing in my attempted escape. Shock seemed to have rendered me immobile. "You can talk? Master? I don't understand."

The cat turned its head to the side, again exhibiting very dog-like behavior, and opened its mouth to let out a nervous laugh. "Maybe not so funny then... Master will not be pleased to see yous, pretty lady. Not pleased at all." It lowered into a crouch position on the floor, bringing a large paw up to cover its face with a loud groan. "Master will blame Puppy for this, oh I am just sure of it! Master will be so perturbed, oh yes. Master will be so angry with Puppy."

Puppy? This cats name was Puppy? Someone had a sick sense of humor. 

I was able to get a better look at the monstrously large creature now, and I realized that it was not, in fact, a talking mountain lion, but instead more resembled a housecat that had grown to an abnormally large size. He was also apparently ignoring my shock over his ability to talk.

I could not believe this was how my day was going.

I jumped as the cat let out a loud mewling noise before it promptly began sobbing uncontrollably. It took me a moment to come to terms with the spectacle before me, an unconscious prince and an inconsolably crying cat. My tutors had never thought to train me how to handle this kind of situation.

"There, there," I said hesitantly, sidling closer to pet Puppy gently behind the ears. "I am sure your master wont blame you for this, it is not as if you let us into your, ah, home. I'm sure you will not be to blame for any of this." I was sure of no such thing. For all I knew the creatures 'master' was an unhinged murderer who took pleasure in torturing those who stumbled into this sorry excuse of a building.