Little Talks - Billie Dean Howard x Reader

18

A/N: readers finally getting therapy fam

TW: self harm, depression, mention of attempted suicide, passing of loved ones, medication,

You wake up first, your heart hammering in your chest as you turn to find Billie curled up beside you and you sigh in relief that not only is the blonde still there like she promised, that last night wasn't just a dream. You lay there momentarily, taking in the warmth of the blonde. The coldness of the beginning of fall seeping through the apartment now. You cuddle up to her, wrapping your arm around her waist in order to keep her close for a moment longer before your bladder tells you to go to the bathroom. But you really didn't want to move. Your head telling you to stay, be close to Billie. It's the least you could do after what you had done.

The blonde shifts in her sleep, her hand grabbing yours, holding it close to her stomach. "You awake?" she murmurs sleepily and you nod onto her shoulder. She takes a deep breath before turning herself around to get a good look at you. You look no different from yesterday, your face is still pale and you just look exhausted. She loops her arms around your neck. "Good morning, Babydoll," she smiles and you feel your heart flutter. See, this is what you would've missed if you died. "It's about time we had a talk, don't you think?" she treads carefully with her words, but you know this is a conversation you're well overdue to have right now. "How about we have some breakfast first?" she asks and you look down at her chest before back to her lips.

"Okay," you say quietly and she pulls you in for a cuddle, her arms cradling you protectively before she starts getting up out of bed. "Can't we talk first? I'm not too hungry," you say and she turns to look at you as she puts on her silk robe.

She nods before sitting on the bed crossing her legs reaching her hand out for you. "How do you feel?" she asks, rubbing soothing circles on your palms and you shrug.

"Better?" you look away from her, tears slowly building up in your eyes, "Being out of the house is definitely helping," you confirm and she nods understandingly.

"I felt it in the house too," she says and you look at her, "It wasn't just you.. I -" she diverts her gaze from you, "That's why I couldn't see you. It's as if some form of demon wouldn't let me in." you watch as a tear falls from her eye and lands in her lap, "I should have -"

"No, Billie," you say quickly, cupping her cheeks, caressing them with your thumbs and her hands move towards your arms, "None of this is your fault."

"If I was there.."

"No." you shake your head, "Don't. I promise you none of this is your fault."

She blinks away a tear and brings her hand to her cheek comfortingly looking into your eyes, "You're the best thing that's ever been mine." she says in an almost whisper. You bring your hand up grasping hers gently as you lean in to place a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I know." Her salty tears drip into your mouth as you kiss and you pull away. "You're the best thing that's ever been mine too," you say and she lets out a breathy chuckle, taking her hand away.

"I'm an emotional wreck right now," she says wiping more of the tears from her cheeks and you smile at her guiltily.

"I'm sorry," you say the guilt making its way back into your heart as you look at the blonde angel in front of you.

"I know it's not.." she starts, taking your hand in hers again. "I know we don't talk about your problems." she nods, her eyebrows furrowing as she tries to find the right words to say, "But I think it would help you, you know?" You nod at her in understanding. She takes a deep breath. "So I want you to come to me,"

"I have." you butt in and she shakes her head.

"You haven't, sweetheart." she gives you a weak smile as you furrow your brows, "When you feel that way. When life feels too much to even want to get out of bed. When the voices or the things you see are giving you discomfort. When you feel like hurting yourself. Anything. I want you to come to me, no matter what, okay?" You take in her words carefully, listening to everything she's saying and you nod again. You feel safe. Safe that she's giving you her helping hand for when you need it, that she's conforming to you that she is there for you whenever you need her. You nod again, telling her you've understood. "I need you to use your words, darling. Tell me what you're thinking," she says, her head tilting slightly to look into your eyes as you're looking down at her hands and how perfectly they fit in your own.