Lifeless

REGRETS!

The sky was dark! The clouds were still colliding and producing light thunders! There was no sign of sunlight as if clouds just hid the sun to stop it from sending any false hopes through it's rays! Swati's body was placed in the garden area! It was wrapped in a white cloth with her face uncovered! Lying down there peacefully as if completely prepared for her last journey!

People from the neighborhood, some colleagues and friends gathered to be Sidharth's strength! Every eye searched for him but he was nowhere!

Sana entered his room and found him sitting on the floor quietly....lost somewhere!

She walked towards him and quietly sat beside him

Sana: Sidharth....sab wait kr rahe hein! Its time for the cremation ceremony....aajao

Sid: came out of his thoughts....sab? sab sawal puchenge....mai kya kahunga (a bit disoriented)

Sana: sighed....encircled her arm around his and rested her head on his shoulder....kuch mat kaho....sirf ek baar unko dekho...pyar se....baghair kisi nafrat baghair kisi shikayat k....sirf pyar se....jaise har bacha apni maa ko dekhta hai! She looked at him and cupped his face......jaise tum unhe hamesha se dekhna chahte thay Sidharth!

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Sidharth came out of the house.....slowly walking towards Swati! The people around were just gawking at his expressionless face! He sat near her looking at her face! He placed his palm on her forehead and gently caressed it! He stroked his fingers against her eyes....her nose....and eventually on all her face as if he was trying to feel her for the very first and for the very last time!

He came closer to her face and breathed against her forehead "I am sorry.....MOM" and kissed her forehead! A part of his heart was happy that this word came out of  his mouth after so many years but then a part of his heart was sad too as he couldn't say these words when she was alive!

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Everybody came back from the cremation and were seated in the hall! Every now and then Sidharth was becoming everyone's center of attention! They noticed that everybody grieved for the woman but her own son did not drop a single tear out of grief....he seemed lost maybe shocked! Sana knew that everyone wants him to say some good kind words in the memory of his mother but she was well aware that he wouldn't! so she quietly walked to him placed her hand on his shoulder to bring him back to reality!

He came out of his thoughts and looked at Sana!

Sana: take some rest....come!

He didn't go anywhere and remained seated!

Sid: took a deep breath.....aap log soch rahe honge na k Sidharth ko shayad zyada gham nahi hai apni maa k jane ka! I don't know..... yeh sach bhi ho skta hai aur nahi bhi....q k mera meri maa se koi emotional connect nahi tha.....tohh jahan emotions nahi wahan grief kaisa!

His words saddened Sana and she looked around and noticed everyone being a bit awkward at his words but then noticed Sidharth's father standing quietly with his eyes lowered with shame!

Sid: continued....i see a lot of parents and kids here.....so do advices hein mere paas! First is that try to build a connect....a strong relationship with your children...take jab tum marr jao so they don't have to struggle to cry and to grieve on your death! Secondly (he paused because he could feel a choking sensation in his throat....he gulped his saliva to reduce it and continued) just forgive your parents! Unse agr kabhi koi ghalti hojaye so unhe maa baap k pedestal se utaar kr sirf aam insano ki tarha consider krna.....maaf krna aasan hojayega!