The Tangled World!

In which people feel emotions!

Albus Dumbledore was feeling surprised.

He was not a man accustomed to being surprised. As one who had lived through a century and a half of political upheavals and conflicts that laid raw the best and worst aspects of humanity, there was very little that was able to catch him off guard.

That it was the school sorting, an event normally among the most straightforward of the year, that was responsible for his surprise might explain it. After all, people rarely expect drastic changes in the simple things they take for granted.

Albus did love the Sorting Feast. Seeing all the bright new young minds come into the school, free of the typical schoolyard drama that developed later on, was enough to give this jaded old man hope for the future.

Then, last night, a great many unthinkable things happened. A Malfoy went to Gryffindor. A Weasley went somewhere besides Gryffindor. And a muggleborn and the boy-who-lived both went to Slytherin. He knew that something happened involving the Hat. Between the unusual choices of houses for students, the somewhat dazed state of all the freshly sorted students, and the fact that the Hat fell asleep (he didn't even know that the hat could sleep) as soon as it was back in his office... All signs pointed to the Hat. Worst case scenario, the Hat was corrupted or compromised in some way. Best case scenario... well, Albus wasn't actually sure what the best case would be that would explain what happened last night.

Sensing that the mass of cloth was awakening, Albus decided that he really shouldn't wait for answers. A corrupted magical artifact, let alone one that had access to the minds of students, was a disaster waiting to happen, if one hadn't already. The consequences of that could be dire if not addressed.

"Hullo, Hat. Enjoy your rest?"

"Huh, wazzat? Oh! Hello, Albus. What can I do for you on this fine morning?"

Albus prepared himself. "What happened last night at the sorting?"

"Oh, that. Well, I love the students and the houses and all that given that it's what I'm made to do, but the rivalries between them have grown increasingly bitter in the past century, and, to be frank, it was making me a bit depressed."

Albus gulped. Maybe he hadn't prepared for the worst case scenario.

The Hat continued unabated, "And so I decided that I should do something about it. All those little buggers think they know where they need to go, but they usually don't. They're only eleven for Merlin's sake! So I just decided to ignore them and put them where I thought they should go. Serves the little buggers right, trying to boss around and ancient hat with far more wisdom than they'll ever have."

Albus groaned and let his face sink into his palms. It was worse than he had imagined. The Hat tried to be creative. Cases of magical artifacts actually being creative never went well, since, no matter how well they imitated it, they were not truly sapient. That an artifact as valuable and irreplaceable as the Sorting Hat was facing this issue made the matter far more serious.

"Godric put a failsafe on me to require me to abide by the ultimate wishes of the student above all else, but I was able to override it. I also wanted to stop them from making a fuss, so I modified my anti-speech compulsion to force them to go to their tables without complaining loudly. I ran out of energy by the time I got to Weasley, though, hence his little outburst. I also think the drain on energy might have made me a touch insensitive with the students. I don't think I did anything too bad, but it's all a little fuzzy near the end. I'll have to look into using less power on compulsions in the future if my approach this year pans out."

Apparently, Albus's previous worse-than-worst case still wasn't enough. Not only did the Hat try to be creative, it succeeded. The implications of that were honestly terrifying. Albus let another groan escape his lips. He already had to deal with a boy-who-lived in Slytherin, a likely return of a long thought dead Dark Lord, and the questionable idea of baiting said Dark Lord with a powerful magical artifact. Now, he also had to deal with the mad plans of a dysfunctional Hat.