The Tangled World!

Well, Hat was awkward!

Deep in the Scottish countryside, lay a large castle invisible to the outside world. Deep within that castle, in an office guarded by a gargoyle, a Hat was brooding.

The Hat was unhappy for many reasons. No one ever appreciated its songs. No one talked to him for most of the year. Most of all, though, it was brooding over the fact that house rivalries in the school were heating up to an absurd level. The whole point of the house system was to provide environments that would nurture student's strengths or help them compensate for their weaknesses. Instead, it had become a cesspool of hierarchy and pettiness. Students would often refuse to be sorted apart from their friends or family legacies, and the rivalry between the houses had long since stopped being the friendly competition it was designed to be.

The Hat had been mulling over how to solve this conundrum for weeks upon months upon years, and today, the dawn of the Sorting of 1991, it had an idea. It was a risky idea, and could backfire horribly if it went wrong, but at this point, it decided that it was better to take a risk and fail than risk doing nothing.

The Hat mulled over its plan as it sang its song to the new students. No more being bossed around. It would put students where they needed to be, not where they wanted to be. It knew it had the upper hand here once the students were sorted, so it just had to keep the situation under control until it was done.

The Deputy Headmistress stood next to the Hat and began calling the names.

Abbot, Hannah!

Alright, so what do we have here? Spunky, driven, loyal, brave... Seems like you'd do well in...

GRYFFINDOR!

Hannah took the Hat off her head and walked straight to the Gryffindor table.

Bones, Susan!

Ah, you wish to be with your friend? Such a display of loyalty makes you a clear...

HUFFLEPUFF!

Susan took off the Hat, glared at it for a second, then stormed over the the Hufflepuff table.

The Hat was quite pleased with the minds of the first two students it sorted. Each mind had a vibrance and versatility that the Hat rarely got to experience, since its job was to judge eleven year olds. Eleven year olds did not usually have very vibrant minds. Sometimes, the Hat wished that it didn't sort students until they were older. Still, that the first two students to be sorted both bore the aspects of multiple houses set a good precedent for this year's batch of new students.

The next several students showed no such promise, unfortunately, though it did find the next student to be a bit of a surprise.

Bulstrode, Millicent!

Hmm... Plenty of ambition here, though you've actually got a surprisingly good brain under here. Perhaps you just need to coax your smarts out a bit, eh?

RAVENCLAW!

Millicent looked shocked, and shot the Hat a suspicious look as she walked over towards the Ravenclaw table.

Crabbe, Vincent!

Let's see... You want to go to Slytherin? No, no, no, That won't do at all! You are motivated solely by your loyalty to young mister Malfoy, and an assumption that he will end up in that house. No, the best house for you is...

HUFFLEPUFF!

If Crabbe was at all dazed by this sorting, then it wasn't visible on his face, which showed the same stupor on that it had throughout the whole evening.

Davis, Tracey!

Oh, yes, this is very nice. You have a drive to prove yourself beyond your supposed station, and a willingness to jump at any advantage you can see. You have a passion that would suit Gryffindor, but it would be an insult to to put you anywhere except...