Previously titled "i fucked up"
He belonged to her. She belonged to him. In every way possible.
Then he cheated.
They both re-meet in college and begin a poisonous relationship.
Following their rekindling, Eren's new persona leads a dangerous lifes...
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We continued walking towards the food court, my mind still clouded with the image of the man. It made my head hurt thinking about where i've seen him before, But i couldn't— it's worse since i can't remember anything before the age of 8.
A good chunk of my life has been a blur. I can't recall if it's a normal thing, but i don't pay attention to it. It doesn't bother me as much, but i do wish i could remember things from young like the others.
I wish i could remember my dad, as much as i hate him for leaving my mother to raise me by herself although she did have help from my uncle and Grisha, it was still hard for her and i know that.
I don't really remember his face it was always a blur and the pictures my mom showed me don't really match up to my memory—but again it sucks.
Now that i know my father is involved in the goddamn mafia i know he has the power to contact me and know where i am. What breaks my heart is that he could know i'm in this very mall with my friends shopping for a party and he won't even come look for me.
I don't remember much about my dad and it never mattered to me, but it fucking hurts not having one. It hurts watching others live my dreams of having one. It hurts that i'll never be daddy's little girl—because that's all i've ever wanted.
"Finally, you guys took so fucking long." Eren's voice broke through the mess that was occurring in my head. He walked passed the other two wrapping his arms around my waist leaving a lingering kiss on my cheek.
"Hi." i whispered smiling at him throwing my arms around his neck giving him a hug. I needed this, listening to his heart beat while his warm skin touched mine. I was getting emotional with all this dad thing.
I feel like i'm just now reacting to the fact that my father is actually out there and that there is a possibility that he left without wanting to or one that he left because he wanted to.
Eren pulled back looking down at me, his eyes studying me intently. His hands move up to my cheeks caressing them, "You okay?" he asked softly.
"You guys coming or?" i heard Connie ask, but i just kept my eyes on Eren. He turned his head signaling to them to go on ahead.
When they were off, Eren's gaze returned to me. This time i couldn't hold it in much longer. Tears spilled from my eyes. The salty water running past my lips at a fast pace. I felt Eren's arms wrap around me harder, my head falling to his chest as he caressed my hair.
"Baby..."
"Why doesn't he love me?" i asked my throat felt swollen, i stuttered on a couple words. I've never really cried about my father before, it felt wrong.
"What?" Eren asked confused, starting to rub my back to help me calm down.
"My dad, Eren. Am i not good enough?" my voice breaking at my question. He pulled me into a long hallway where no one passed by, so we can have some privacy.
"You are. He does, i just know he does baby. Go ahead let it out. Let it all out i'm not gonna leave you." he said softly.
That's when the gut-wrenching sobs tore through my chest. I couldn't handle this heartbreak anymore i fell to the floor in a disheveled heap as my bottled up grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.
fuck this sucks.
After a few minutes and sweet nothings from Eren the tears stopped falling from my eyes. My throat felt dry and my whole body felt numb. I didn't know i had that in me. I never think about my father and when i did it was never to this extreme.
Eren's lips continued leaving chaste kisses on my head and face. Cuddling me and not letting me go whatsoever. I used my sleeve to run it over my eyes wiping off the tear stains. "Thank you."I said after turning my body to face Eren's.
"No need for that, i'm just glad you're better now." he said putting his hands on my cheeks, his thumbs rubbing my eyes wiping the excess tears. I grabbed his wrist turning my head to kiss his palm.
I'm happy i have him with me through this. He's known me for the longest, we grew up together. After all the shit we've been through i wouldn't have thought i'd be back here, but we're like magnets and i can't stay away from him.
"Okay, cmon pretty boy let's go." you said standing up, grabbing his hand. He nodded and you led him out of the hallway. You both have been there for a while, you wouldn't be surprised if the others thought we had left.
Eren wrapped his arm around your shoulders kissing your cheek. You turned your head to him smiling at the gesture. You saw his cheeks dust a light shade of pink. It's funny that after all the intimate moments we had, he still blushes at my smile. It's adorable.
"You hungry?"
"I'm fucking starving." you laugh, so does he.
"Alright let's get you some food." he smiles pulling us towards the court.
Moments like these with Eren weren't rare, back then he used to give me the most attention, he always asked me if i was hungry, if i needed a massage after practice or needed help with my homework. He always wanted to help.
He had this tough exterior always. It was never to this extreme. He liked pushing people away and i guess that intensified after our break up and his family's downfall. But if you ever needed anything, he's the person out of the friend group you should go to.
He'll listen like no other. He'll try his best to make you laugh, even though he sucks at making jokes. I'm thankful for him though. I'll never understand why he did what he did to me and maybe i'm a stupid bitch for coming back, but he's everything i have. My first friend, my first crush, love and boyfriend. He's my first everything and as stupid as it may sound, he'll always hold a place in my heart and i'll always go back to him, platonically or romantically.
"I love you, you know that." Eren says still facing ahead.
"I love you too." i responsed, no hesitation.
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hey baes, sorry for not posting this month but i'm still trying to see how i want to post these chapters, they're already written tho!!!
this is just a quick angsty chapter, sorry if you relate cause i do. I spoke here from experience. If anyone ever needs to talk about anything, send me a quick message i'll always listen!!!
anyways remember baes drink your water, fill up those beautiful bodies and wear sunscreen<33
