gender neutral Y/n x Ed Sheeran oneshots. (more or less satire)

Oh, Ed~!

"Y/n~" Ed whispers, his hot breath tickling your neck. "I have a surprise for you~!"

"What is it, Eddy-boo?" You exclaim, excited. What on earth could he possibly surprise you with? You and Ed have been dating for 5 years now, and were very committed into this relationship.

"Just follow me, my little Galway girl," He smiles, taking you by the hand and leading you towards a a big figure with a cloth over it. 

"What's this?" You ask, curious.

"Tada!" He yells, pulling the cloth off.

You gasp, heartbroken.

"What the hell, Ed?!" You scream, for standing in front of you was a giant nude statue of Cherry Seaborn, Ed Sheeran's ex.

Your eyes fill with tears as you turn, ready to run.

"Wait! Y/n!" Ed yells, grabbing you by the shoulder as you start to run. 

"What?" You yell through tears, "What more do you want?!" 

"I promise it's a misunderstanding!" He says hugging you close, "You know I'm in love with the shape of you~"

"Yeah, sure," You scoff, still upset. "That doesn't explain why there's a statue of Cherry there,"

"I ordered a statue of you but maybe they mixed you up with Cherry, seeing as we aren't publicly dating, But I swear it was meant to be you, I love you and only you!"

He then breaks out into song, singing a special song for you, and just you.

"Oh, Ed~!" you say, hugging him back, your arms wrapping around his meaty body. "I love you!"

"I love you too, my Katie to my Jake,"

You both chuckle at the inside joke, seeing as Ed have recently made a music video where he looked like Jack from Royale High.

You then stroke Ed's eyelids, brushing your fingers across his face, as you both start to sleep on the spot, like weirdos. <3

13th July 2021

I should do this more often.