letters | junhao

four

1 june

to jun

today, you have announced that you guys are officially dating, i tried my best to smile and be happy, but deep inside i heard my heart break, falling into pieces.

i still hate the way you hug me, the butterflies in my tummy go wild.

it's getting annoying im gonna be honest, you're so so so happy with her, you're happier with her than you are happier than with me.

the way you smile at her seems to bring joy in you.

the way you smile at me seems to make you feel bored with me.

even i ask sometimes why im your bestfriend who cant accept the relationship you're currently in, it's not supposed to be like that, im supposed to accept it.

you asked me why i dont like her.

i say that i do.

that was a lie.

— minghao

~

june 5

to jun.

since then, ive been staying at mingyus house and cry my eyes out there.

he tells me i can go there any time i want.

i say thank you and wipe my tears.

i fucking miss you junhui.

i miss you too much i dont even know anymore.

— minghao

~

june 6

to the heart breaker, jun.

her nights staying in the dorm became your habit, my nights staying at mingyus dorm became my habits.

it became a small unhealthy habit of me crying every single day.

it just hurts badly to see you happy with her.

i miss it when im with you..

— minghao

~

june 10

to heart breaker, birthday boy.

mingyu told me you were having a party today.

and she planned it.

being the "good" friend i am, i still go.

as i enter, the first thing i see is you guys making out, i hold back my tears and run to the couch.

i ask mingyu to give me a drink.

i drank too fast and too strong, until i went drunk.

from what i remember, you came to me and introduced her to me, i sighed and slapped her, telling that girl that i hated her. you shouted at me and looked at the girl who seemed to be fake crying.

you then tell me to get out.

and so i did.

i ran to the exit and cried.

i cried all the pain out.

im tired junhui.

— minghao