Je T'aime.

XXXVII. Wilhelmina

Days passed since I rang water out of my hair, and when I peeled soaking wet linen from my skin. Just as I had suspected, the weather had turned cold again, and every ounce of sweetness from that moment of warmth had faded.

As the outdoors were woefully restricted, I ventured down to the drawing room to read by the fire. But as I came down the hallway, I heard giggling that immediately struck me with annoyance. I could hear that bubbling, high-pitched laughing from anywhere, echoing against the palace ceiling and rattling the chandeliers.

I turned the corner into the drawing room, praying that it would be uninhabited, but I was sadly mistaken. Sitting on the chaise was the Princess of Auersperg, examining a selection of fabric held by another richly dressed woman. Her little dog sat on her lap. I was about to turn and walk out when she called my name. "Oh, Christina!"

I couldn't ignore her. I plastered on a smile. "Hello, Wilhelmina. How are you?"

Wilhelmina smiled giddily. "I'm well. You're a lady of fashion- come, come. Have a seat and take a look at these fabrics."

Though I wanted to refuse, my politeness seemed to trump my true feelings. I came and sat next to her. "I wouldn't consider myself a true lady of fashion."

"Oh," Wilhelmina scoffed. "Don't kid. I saw you in that masquerade costume. You looked brilliant."

"I didn't design that. Isabella did," I admitted.

"Still. You both looked lovely. Isn't that right, Abigail?"

The lady holding the fabrics nodded, and held out her collection to us. The first was a beautiful canary yellow silk damask with images of flora and urns. Wilhelmina ran the fabric through her fingers. Her little brown dog, who looked more like a tiny baby bear than anything, traversed her lap into mine, and began to stretch behind its ear with its rear foot. "Hello, Bonbon."

Wilhelmina squealed. "Isn't he just the sweetest! Good boy, Bonnie! Mommy's going to have a collar made for you out of this!"

I looked over the fabric again, thinking that I missed something. The quality of the damask was fine enough for a court gown, let alone a dog collar. "I'd wear that fabric in a heartbeat."

Wilhelmina looked over to me with a pitying look. "No, no. Trust me, blondes don't wear yellow. You and I both."

I looked to the admittedly beautiful young lady sitting across from me. Her hair was a different shade of blonde than mine; hers had a darker shade to it. A part of me felt a tinge of anger. I thought I looked great in yellow. But by the time that I parted my lips to speak Wilhelmina had already moved on to the next thing, pushing the fabrics aside for a chest of new shoes.

She examined each and every pair, slipper, mule, and otherwise alike, in every color of the rainbow. Without fail she would choose a new pair for herself after about three or so had been displayed to her. During this time she requested for me to play the harp; I obliged, as it gave me something to do other than watch her spend reckless amounts of money.

"So," I began, the curiosity nearly bubbling out of me. "Auersperg is such a small principality. Where do you get your funds?"

"Oh, some are gambling winnings," the Princess admitted, "but most is given to my by your dear father. Isn't he just a darling? Though I could never ask for a greater gift than Bonbon. You know, my husband told me I couldn't get a dog! Ha!" Wilhelmina rested her hand on her small companion. "Now I have a dog, and he never sees me. A widower, twice my age! Franzi only had me marry him to keep me at court."

"The age gap between you and my father is much greater than you and your husband," I informed her. "Is it not?"

"Oh, but your father is much more agreeable!" Wilhelmina exclaimed, leaning forward in her seat like an excited teenager talking about a youthful crush, not a married man with children. I supposed I couldn't blame her; she was barely twenty-three, and she still clung to youth tightly.

I had to admit, she was beautiful. She had a heart-shaped face with bright, almond-shaped blue eyes. She had a long, slender nose and her complexion was like porcelain. Each and every edge of her seemed to gracefully curve. Without the physical scars of childbirth, her figure was the picture of beauty. A realization shot chills down my spine. This blonde-headed beauty looked as my mother did before I was born. Before all of us were born. We were the marks on the Empress that wouldn't wash away.

Though my mind rushed with thought, I still carefully plucked at the strings of my harp, filling the room with music. "Wow," Wilhelmina said breathily. "The gossip is true. You really are Orpheus."

"Gossip?" I enquired, "What gossip?"

"Well, you and the Crown Princess are constantly compared to Orpheus and Eurydice. They say that your music brings the Princess out of fits of melancholy. According to the Duchess of Salzburg, who heard it from the Countess of Castile, she has these fits quite frequently, and seeks you out as a companion. You two are constantly together."

"She's my best friend," fell from my lips, although that wasn't much of an answer as it was a cover-up.

"Oh, I know, darling. We all know. We all have our attachments, and there's no shame in that. I'm glad that she's there for you, since your poor Saxon is off at war. Franzi and I-"

"Your attachment and liaison with my father is something that you seem to show no shame in, certainly. Even though he is a husband of twenty-five years and a father of sixteen children." As soon as I finished speaking my mind flushed with regret. Emotion just seemed to flow out of me like an opened floodgate.

Wilhelmina raised her eyebrows in a kind of shock, then sighed. "I'm afraid your siblings have the same opinion of me, and it's dreadful. I love your father and he loves me, though he tells me his dedication to your mother never fades."

"What is dedication, and what is love? Does my father still take affection to you because you are youthful enough to satisfy his lust, and naïve enough to spend his money? Does he only stay with my mother because of a bind under the eyes of God?"

"Your father has been the kindest man to me that I have ever met. I will stay in the place that makes me happy."

"And what of my mother? What of my siblings? What about your husband? Does your own happiness outrank that of others?"

"My husband never loved me, Christina, he only did to provide his children with another source of income. He grieves too much for his dead wife to ever think of another. And your mother has been so kind as to let me stay. Another Queen would banish me in a fortnight."

"She only keeps you here because you are steadfast. My father would just move to another woman if you were to leave."

Wilhelmina took a pause at this statement, seeming wounded. "Our love is wrong under many circumstances, but that doesn't mean that it isn't true. I am despised and I know that, but the love never fades. Maybe I am to naïve to take his attachment as romance, but what else do I have?"

My heart filled with pity. She was just a girl, groomed by my father to be his pretty little lovedoll that he could spend money on. "Oh, I'm sorry. I think I have misunderstood you."

Wilhelmina smiled kindly. "Most people do. Right, Bonbon?" The little dog just looked up at his master, dedicatedly and sweetly, as if he understood the words that came from her. He yapped, as if in agreement.

I stood from the harp and came to where Wilhelmina sat, wrapping her in a hug with Bonbon between us. "You have an ally in me, Wilhelmina."

"Please. Call me Mina," she glanced over to the yellow fabric that still sat beside her. "You know, I do have this pattern in pink, if you'd like some. It would really highlight your complexion."

"I'd love some. And maybe a pair of matching shoes, too?"

"Oh, you could never go without it!"

We both laughed, as if there had never been any animosity between us. Though my father- his reputation in my mind had been torn, and I didn't think that I could ever look at him the same way ever again.