Heathen

|15|

  Barre

    When I wake the next day, a deep pit of despair fills my stomach. I dress quickly, being silent as I stare down at the beautiful female sleeping in the nest of furs and pillows I have provided for her. I remember the past few nights with burning fondness.

     Fingers in my hair, sweet words drifting through the air. To be with Elodie is to love her.

     Her red hair is sprawled out, her brown fleck covered face is soft and peaceful with her slumber. She has no worries, knowing that I'll watch over her.

     I try not to dwell on what will happen today. I must enjoy the short, precious time that I have with my sweet Elodie. Only, she's not mine, I have to remind myself of this over and over again. She never was mine, and she never will be.

     Tracing the tips of my fingers across her pale cheek, I clench my jaw. She deserves someone better, someone without scars and death, a male with a tender nature. I am not pure enough to enjoy her.

     She will likely mate to one of the Emperor's warriors, someone of a high and noble rank. I imagine her smiling at someone else and the thought alone causes my muscles to tense in upset. I can't even begin to think of her sweet mouth on someone else'a lips.

     Leaving her side, I begin packing up the camp as quietly as possible to keep my mind from wandering. My attempt to be inconspicuous is in vain. The slight noises of my packing wake her. She props herself up on her elbow, grinning up at me sleepily, melting my heart. She rubs at her green eyes.

     "gud mrning." She murmurs, and I smile sadly. These are the last times I will hear her odd language spoken in her beautiful voice.

      She has no idea what my plan is, but I can only hope that she will go along with it. Returning her had been the plan all along, so why do I feel as if my heart is being ripped from my chest?

     The amount of injuries I have had in the arena are countless. The pain was manageable, and I still fought with all the energy in my bones. And now, this pain, it is so different. A mental anguish that won't be forgotten.

     I go to her side, helping her out of the covers, and touching her hair affectionately.

    "I hope you slept well, my sweet female, but we must be going now." I explain, motioning to our things strewn about. She nods in understanding, always so smart despite our ever-frustrating language barrier.

     Elodie tries to help, but I don't let her, grabbing everything that she tries to reach for before she can.

     She laughs at me, but doesn't fight, she eventually gives up. I resist a grin. My grin disintegrates before it can appear. I won't ever see this perfect creature again.

     It's a sobering thought, and I hate it. But, this is the way things are, the way things have to be.

      I shove items in my bag, eyeing Elodie cautiously as she pets Salsh. The rasler glances at me, pushing his big head under her hand, he rumbles contently, always enjoying her petting.

     Despite how much I try to draw it out, I'm finished packing my few belongings quickly. I dread leaving, I dread taking her to where I have to leave her, but it's for the best.

     Then why does my heart reject it entirely? Why do I ache? A Gladiator is taught to abandon all feelings completely, but I cannot pretend I do not feel things for Elodie.

     I feel so many new things that I'm losing track.

     I notice that there is a chill in the air still, even as the sun rises higher. So, I grab my cloak, and I motion for the human to stand and come forward. She obeys, always smiling at me and ready to follow what I ask. I purse my lips, going onto one knee to pull the cloak onto her slight figure. Her face flushes, and she pulls the cloak closer.