𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐓𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐑𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐭.

•

It's like I'm drowning.
You're pushing my head under, again and again and I can't fight back anymore.

Not because I've given up but because the more I fight back, the harder you come.

Instead I cry, I stay still and I shrink inside but you use this as fuel. You describe the ways you'll make my body yours and the things you'll do when we're alone. When I'm in your bed and when your hands push me down, hold my wrists, make me want to die.

I don't say no anymore, I don't scream or shout...I just, cry. I comply. You want something every time and so I give it because if I don't, you'll see that I'm frightened and you'll see it in my eyes.

You'll know you have power over me and that is what I hate. That is what stops me from wanting to be alive.

You described it to me.
Your arms pulling me closer, my back to your chest. Your hand stroking my hair. Your kisses travelling around my neck. Then down to my thighs until your mouth takes over and my choices are no longer mine and my voice is stuck screaming on the inside.

I lay in bed crying all night because although you're miles away, you're also here next to me. Your hand over my mouth, your images burned into my mind and your desires carved on my legs.

You don't question the former scars because you know I've been here before. Stuck in a place that he before you, placed me, staked me. Made me stay through violence that now comes from your mouth.

You ask for pictures of my thighs. You call them 'amazing', talk about the way you'd bite them, lick them and shame me into thinking that it's my fault. Because I didn't fight back. I didn't say no. I only cried and froze up until you were done and I was over playing toy for the day.

And my body reacts but not in the way my mind does. It gets wet for you, obeys your command and listens to the way you caress it until my mind gives in and my heart is done, putting up a wall that you continuously break down with those hands.

Those invading hands.

- 𝐉𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚 𝐒𝐮𝐧