Delusional [a solangelo au] sequel to Psychopath

-How to give in-

Nico's pov
Trigger warnings: intrusive thoughts, hallucinations, SH scars

NEW FANFIC POSTED ON MY ACCOUNT!!!
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(Day 34)

"Drown yourself."

"Holy fuck, you are annoying."

"Just see how long you can hold your breath... if you can't hold it for 200 seconds your heart will stop—"

"Shut up," I groaned, grabbing my wet hair.

The bath was usually something that grounded me. A security blanket— it relaxed my mind and my tense body, and it helped me think. Usually it helped me think. Today seemed to be a exemption.

Or maybe, the bath was helping me think too well, to the point of intrusive thoughts flowing through my head like an unblocked stream. I couldn't escape Bianca; she followed me around, she poked at old insecurities, she breathed down my neck with imaginary hot air. The image of her was growing stronger by the day, and I wasn't sure how to rid myself of her. Ignoring her wasn't working. Talking to her was a past failure. Pushing her back made her pull me closer.
The real question was how long I could keep this up. How long I could stand it.

I couldn't see my patience lasting.

I sunk into the lukewarm bath water, and tried to think about Will. Will, who was outside the closed bathroom door, writing an essay. Will, who held me close after another nightmare the night before, until I finally fell back asleep. Will, who was balancing work and school and therapy and... me. Whatever mess I was.
Will, who did that without a single complaint. Because he thought I was worth it. He thought I was worth something.

"Drown yourself or Will will die before his assignment is due,"  Bianca was sat on the floor, giggling and dangling a limp hand. I refused to look over at her through anything but my peripheral vision. I didn't want to look at her glazed eye or peeling skin. Not again.

"That one wasn't even realistic," I gurgled through the water, my chin submerged.

"But you thought about it, didn't you?" She sneered, stretching her arms far above her head like her dead (and fake) body was sore. "You always think about it."

"Because you put it in my head," I shot back, pushing myself upright to glare at the shower head above me.

"I didn't do anything. This is all you, Neeks."

"You aren't convincing."

"YOU aren't convincing," she rebuked, tilting over with a fit of childlike giggles. How much older was I than Bianca, now? Six years? Seven.
Oh, how strange it was, to be older than your older sibling. To be taller than her image; to stare down at her but somehow feel young again.
When she was around, I felt like I was in elementary school.

"This is so stupid," I muttered, bowing over my knees to stare at the bottom of the tub. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't get rid of her. I was tired.

When was the last time I slept without a nightmare? It had been over a week. I ran out of my sleeping medication around the same time they started. Just my luck.

Sleep sounded like everything I wanted, and everything I feared. I didn't want to shut my eyes, because Bianca's face was behind them. I didn't want to keep them open, because she lurked in the corners of the apartment waiting for a new reason to torment me. I just couldn't win.

I was starting to feel sick, sitting in the cooling water, completely vulnerable and open for attack. I wasn't safe. Will was safe. 

I stood out of the water and pulled the plug, grabbing my towel and wrapping it around my shoulders. As I stepped out onto the bath mat, Bianca's image flickered and vanished like an apparition.
The closer to Will I was, the safer I was from her.