traitor • calum hood

chapter one

"screaming, all i can hear is screaming.
I stumbled up the stairs, feeling my heart pound out my chest.
it's him. i barge the door open and i see him, laying on the bed, banging his head on the wall, gripping the sheets with his hands, almost ripping them apart, i was able to see the veins literally popping out of his hands, and he was screaming"

"how long did it take u to realise it wasn't real?" she asked quietly.

"i don't know, i'm not even sure if i realised it yet? the only evidence i have, that tells me it didn't happen is the memory of standing next to his hospital bed, hearing the machines being shut off"

"is that a sound you have been hearing a lot, the last weeks?"
"i hear it all the time, it doesn't stop"

i saw the expression on my therapists face, she doesn't know what to say neither what to do with me.

"i feel like we need to go back june" i heard her whisper.

"i'm sorry what did u say?" i heard exactly what she said, but i refused to believe, my mind was working so fast, i felt my breathing get heavy, my eyes widen and the familiar feeling in my chest build up.

" june, i've talked to ur psychiatrist, she thinks the medication alone won't work anymore. We need to start confronting you, we have to start the trauma therapy"

i walked down the street, a cigarette between my teeth, i blasted the music on my headphones so loud, i wasn't able to hear my own thoughts.
i inhaled sharply, the taste of nicotine ghosting through my lungs.
i exhaled.

my eyes got watery, when a bit of the smoke hits them and i squeeze them shut, trying to get the sharp feeling and the tears out of my eyes.
my head was close to exploding, i didn't want to shut my music down, but the pain got too much, so i slid the headphones down to my neck.

"malboro red i see" a deep voice spoke from behind me.
i turned around as fast as i could, at the familiar voice.
i startled at the sudden presence of the tall boy,
he was leaning against the stop sign next to my bus stop.

i was looking up at the dirty blonde curly hair, it was tousled on his head in a very messy manner, his eyes were blue, i assumed, i couldnt quite tell behind his golden glasses.

„june wilson, what are u doing at this bus stop, so early in the morning"

„i could ask the same thing luke"
he pulled out his own pack of cigarettes, putting one between his lips, and lighting it in a smooth movement

„you look different"
i noticed his eyes wandering up and down my body, he only stops when looking at my hair, he stares a few seconds and then looks down again.

his gaze made me uncomfortable, i remembered how he had always looked at me like that, with so much jealousy or even anger in them.

„your hair isn't pink anymore"

I threw my cigarette on the ground.

„ive grown up luke, i'm almost 20 by now, obviously i'm not gonna keep my hair pink"
I felt like I already knew what he was onto, and I didn't know if I could handle it.

„it's because it was his favourite colour on u isn't it?"

i froze at the sudden confrontation,
i was right.

my eyes wandered down to my hands, seeing the little round marks on them.i turned around and walked away, not knowing what to say, i put my headphones back on and just started walking at a fast pace.

i knew luke wasn't going to follow me, or even try to get me to turn around.

seeing him after 2 years was more than enough for today, i thought back at what my therapist said earlier this morning „we need to start confronting you" and i felt like everything around me was moving and i was stuck again.

AN: hi, my first fic that i've written for years and actually feel comfortable publishing?
these first few chapters r gonna be a bit shorter, for the introduction