Cs get baked beans

Being Normal

"Why does God make bad things happen in this world?" I said aloud staring at my C-, that was my fourth disappointing grade this week and it was only Tuesday.

"To make heaven look good?" My best friend Bark joked and I tried to laugh but it ended up sounding like static radio, just meaningless noise. Luckily for me, Bark didn't notice. He was busy bathing on the sand of A land. "Nice job with the spelling and punctuation. But lacks originality :)" Mr Mickle Dickle had written, the words burnt like a hot tray against my stomach.

"Why you so dark, catholic boy?" Oh crap, nothing goes past Bark.

"You're the dark one," I laughed.

"Hey!" Bark exclaimed, shoving me on my seat.

Bark's real name was Benjamin Barker. We met when we were five, Bark was new to my class, his family had just moved from Michigan. Ya know in the movies how the teacher introduces a new student and that student has to awkwardly introduce themselves? That was Bark. Except my sociopathic teacher watched every movie with the new student trope and thought, "I bet I can take this awkwardness and put it on steroids" so after Bark introduced himself she made the class do a questionnaire for Bark. That's when Penelope Burrows put up her hand and asked "Is your name Benjamin Barker because you're the colour of bark?" The whole class laughed and my teacher, Mrs Smith, took Penelope and gave her one of those 'this-is-not-okay' talks. From then on, everyone called him Bark. Even now that we're 14 and know how racist it is. Bark said that when there was something different about you, any harsh treatment towards you was seen as 100 times worse by teachers. He said that if any ordinary kid got called a name the teacher would just tell whoever called them the name to cut out, but with him that student would practically be crucified. That's what he always said when I asked why he still let people call him Bark. He also told me I wouldn't understand and I didn't. I'm as normal as they come.

And as dumb as they come. Bark stared at my C-.

"Yee ouch. What did ya write about this time?"

"I wrote about this boy who was, like, super nerdy and stuff, got straight As, got pushed into lockers and had bullies steal his lunch money, oh he also worked for the school newspaper and had a girlfriend."

"Did your feedback say it lacked realism in what world does a nerd get a girlfriend?"

"She was a nerd too. But like a hot nerd, ya know?"

"Like Gabriella from highschool musical?"

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this guy had a secret."

"What? He was a superhero?"

"How did you know?!"

"Because you literally just described the plot of superman?"

"No, I didn't! The guy was a teenager. Superman was a middle-aged man!"

"Well, you created a teenage version of superman! What was his name anyway?"

I blushed and avoided eye contact. I hated how right Bark was.

"Superboy" I said, embarrassed.

"Dude, dude, dude." Bark said, patting me on the back. I leaned across my desk and groaned.

"Look on the sunny side up, man. This is the best grade you've got this week." Bark added.

"You don't get it!" I exclaimed, leaping up from laying across my desk to back into my seat. "Everyone's failing maths and science. To suck fish poos through tim tams at math is like a cultural norm in highschool. But to get C- from a teacher offers out extensions until we graduate, who sellotapes lollipops on our homework, Cory Price even wrote some gross horror story about a kid born with a deformity where his skin was folded inside out so he had to walk down the street with all his blood guts and organs on display, and when he cut himself dry bits of flesh fall out instead of blood and he got an A!"