Downhills From Here

Part 6: Blame temporary irrational madness

I stayed still, just listening to the other skier come alive again. The snow crunched under us as he moved. He swore some more and did some more coughing and I was pretty sure he sat up, then he became very quiet. Next thing I knew he was over me, brushing away the snow.

"Jenna? Jenna!" his voice was tense and his movements jerky. He paused and it sounded like he was pulling off his gloves, then he lifted my goggles. I blinked up at him and the blinding blue sky behind him. His hand was warm as he stuck it underneath my scarf to feel for my pulse.

"I'm alive," I told him and he almost squeaked in surprise.

"Shit!" He swore some more as he sat down next to me. Once he had exhausted all his four-letter words he leaned back over me. "Anything broken? Are you hurt anywhere?"

I shook my head but then stopped with a groan as it hurt. I wiggled my toes and lifted my arms, at least my legs and arms seemed to be in good working order. Jonathan was still looking at me like I was on my death bed. Terrified.

"I'm alive," I said again, sounding surprised. "I didn't go to heaven." I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or disappointed. At least I could joke about this.

"Is that where you were heading?" Jonathan frowned.

"Nope, I think I was more headed for hell at the speed I was going..." I managed a grin. It probably looked more like a grimace.

"Shit woman. I thought we were going to break our necks and die out here..." He studied me for a second and then seemed to sober up. "Can you move?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I lying on your snow?" I did not know where this snark came from. Oh, yeah, embarrassed me, makes up for the embarrassment by being snarky. Not a good way to keep friends.

Jonathan made a growling noise in his throat and I rolled over with a sigh and pushed myself up. It was hard work, my ribs were protesting, but everything else seemed to be working. I managed to get my feet under me and then sat down in the snow opposite him. Even my bum was hurting.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I brushed off some snow on my jacket and was just thinking I was probably so stressed and panicked that I had surpassed the breaking point and gone back to cool, calm, and collected. My heart was still racing, but my erratic breaths were calming down.

"Nothing hurt except a bruised ego," I said. "But I'll get over that quite quickly." I looked up at Jonathan who was staring at me with an expression that was hard to decipher. I had no clue what he was thinking until he exploded.

"What the actual fuck, Jenna! The hell do you mean by going off-piste? You can't even manage the kids' slope. Are you trying to kill yourself going off the pistes like this?" His berating continued for some time and I just stared dumbstruck at him. He was actually really upset. I frowned as he continued, waving his arms for emphasis, for some time until he calmed down. He wiped his hands over his face then came and sat next to me in the snow.

"Shit." He shook his head, and then we sat in silence for a while, watching the sun rise even more over the mountain tops. Our breaths stood like clouds around our heads. The snow glistened. You could almost hear it twinkling, snapping, and crackling in the cold. The forest around us was filled with forest sounds, the wind, and far away we could hear the echoes of people.

"What were you thinking?" Jonathan was the first to break the silence.

He wasn't looking my way, he was just staring out into the crisp air. He sounded exasperated like I had done this before, which I obviously hadn't, but I got that vibe from him. I studied his profile for a couple of seconds, then caught myself wondering what it would feel like to be his girlfriend. I sucked in some cold air. I needed to clear my thoughts, then I realized he was waiting for an answer so I shrugged.

"I don't think there was any thinking involved. More like curiosity killed the cat." I said. "Can I blame temporary irrational madness?"

That set him off on a rant again. "Are you serious? You could have died! You could have killed someone!" He jumped up and brushed off some snow from his knees as he found all his four-letter words again. I think he even invented some new ones. When he continued in German I had had enough and stood up. I looked around for my skis, but they were nowhere to be found. There weren't any wayward ski tracks downhills so I trudged uphill through the flattened snow where we had rolled. Jonathan followed, still talking in German.

I wanted to yell at him to shut up, I was getting a headache, but I didn't dare to. He was already too worked up, and I didn't really know him, other than he was good at skiing and he was good looking. Maybe he was a loose cannon. I snorted. I was the loose cannon here.

"Where are you going?" He asked just as I spotted my red skis. I didn't reply, I just changed direction towards the skis.

One ski was broken. It was just the back half of the ski there. I just stood staring at the broken ski until Jonathan caught up and stopped right next to me.

"That could have been your leg." He pointed out like I was stupid and didn't already know that. "Or your neck, you know."

I wanted to scream "yes I know!" at him but instead, I gave him the silent treatment. I snatched up both skis and nearly fainted from the pain in my side. I bit down a gasp and clutched the skis closer to me and started my trek down the mountain. I ignored Jonathan and I ignored the growing pain in my side. I had probably just cracked a couple of ribs. Still, I probably needed to go and get checked up. It was a nasty tumble.

"Jenna!"

I ignored him and continued walking. I was back by where we had stopped falling and I was panting, sucking in breath after breath, still, it felt like I wasn't getting enough air. This was going to be a hard walk. The snow was too deep and the forest was too far away. I stopped and focused on just breathing. It wasn't working. There was no air, and I was panicking. How do I get home?

I had to pull off my skiing goggles and hat, I even opened the top of my skiing overall to get more air. Tears were burning in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I refused to let him see me cry. He had no right to shout at me like that! But then again, he did have some right. After all, I had mowed him down, almost killed him. Shit. Was he going to call the police? Would they arrest me for dangerous skiing? Could you get arrested for that?

"Jenna, wait."

I sucked in a deep breath. My throat felt raw and my nose was stinging in the cold. It was probably red too, like Rudolph the reindeer. I blew out a cloud in front of me. Despite my cold nose, it was getting easier to breathe so I continued in the direction I thought the lodge was. Downhill, in knee-deep snow. I heard Jonathan move in the snow behind me. He was breathing just as hard as I was and he was catching up.

I sniffled and continued ignoring Jonathan while I plodded downward with my skis as a counterbalance. The snow was up to my knees in some places and I was back to hating the white cold powder-like substance just as much as I did in the beginning. Screw this. I was going to camp out the rest of this godforsaken week in the cafe, I'd read every single book they had for patrons to borrow, and drink as many coffees as I could afford. I would not put on these sticks of slippery death again. I would not go up the hills of anguish again. No matter how many times Emma would ask me to. No matter how many times she would beg. I was done!

"Jen." Jonathan caught up with me slightly out of breath. He had found his skis too and they were both fine. Only my skis were broken. Great. This whole trip was turning out to be just one massive expense. I hoped Emma's insurance would cover it.

"Jon." I greeted him with the same tone of voice. Exasperated. Not really sure how to handle this situation. I should apologize, shouldn't I?