The Night Rider

Chapter 70

My eyes open from the light shining against my eyelids. I look around disoriented and try to find my memories again. I notice Noa sleeping in the bed next to me. The memories of last night come flooding back, a smile graces my lips. He said he would make it unforgettable, as cliché as that may sound, he has proven himself.

I want to throw off the covers, pick up my clothes and leave, but I don't get the chance. An arm wraps itself around my waist and pulls me against warm skin. 'Don't think so,' he murmurs into my hair. A roll of my eyes ensues. I lie half on Noa's chest, looking at the wall. My thoughts run away with me, as they always do. Time seems to be slipping by faster than I would like.

Sometimes I feel like I am fighting a lost cause, searching for something to hold on to. I need something to throw my complete focus on. I need to be able to dream away in my own thoughts and never wake up again. Fighting a lost cause may take a lot of energy, but that one ray of hope is all I need. The feeling that somewhere I still have a chance, that I am doing something that will succeed.

Noa's hand takes me out of my preoccupation. His fingers glide along the silver of my necklace. His eyes seem to be focused on nothing else but that necklace. 'Where is he?'. I put my fingers around the black stone. 'The stables'. The necklace isn't necessarily needed anymore with my leaving and Reviri seeming to manage just fine in the stables. Maybe I always described it only as a prison for my dragon, but that necklace also gave me the feeling I was never alone. The feeling that I always had protection in a way.

It is time to let go of that protection. I push myself up a little and let my fingers go to the clasp. I open the clasp and let the silver disappear from my skin. I close the clasp. Slowly, I take hold of Noa's hand. I turn his palm upwards, fold his fingers open. I let the silver slide into Noa's hand. I fold his fingers around the necklace. 'Keep it for me'.

This is one of the first times I realise what is going to happen, that I am really leaving. It hits me like a big stone against my broken skin, leaving bruises. I swallow audibly and knock the covers off me. Before Noa can say or do anything, I get off the bed. I wrap the silk dressing gown hanging on the hanger around my body. 'Raf'. He pronounces the pet name so softly, almost fragile.

I say nothing as I begin to pull on my underwear. Noa knocks the covers off himself, swings his legs over the edge of the bed. I close the clasp of my bra and want to make my way to the door. 'Rafiki.' Again, I don't respond. I put my hand around the doorknob and want to open it. 'Rafiki, I didn't come here last night to rob you of your virginity and then wake up like this'.

I don't like the tone, it's harsh and irritated. In a jerk, I turn around and look at him just as irritated. 'What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say thank you? Should I ignore the fact that I'll be leaving in a few days? Should I believe that you are going to wait for me for the next 80 years?' I am sure that my tone is not one of irritation, but rather one of desperation. Noa gets up from the bed and walks in slow steps towards me.

He tries to grab my hands, but in vain. I pull my hands away and fold them, waiting for an answer. Noa lets out a sigh. 'I would have liked to at least say something about it, questions perhaps. We can't ignore you leaving, we can make the best of it. Am I going to wait for you? Ask yourself if you are going to wait for me'.

Once again that big stone hits my skin, reality. I know that there is a chance that I will get my memories back, that I will continue to feel the bond with Noa. Do I really expect Noa to wait 80 years for me? On the one hand it has been his own choice to bite my neck, on the other hand it is an expectation I should not have. If I knew that I had Noa here, would I wait? I don't think so. I would try to forget him.

I have lost in my attempt to take my despair out on him. He is right in that I cannot ask him to wait, purely because I cannot do it myself. Yet it hurts, letting go always hurts. How close we were last night, now it feels like I am saying goodbye. My thoughts drift away, not paying attention to Noa. His hands take hold of mine. His lips find their way to my neck. As if petrified, I stand with my back against the door.

'Did you enjoy it?'. The words left his mouth. Last night I had found them exciting, now rather frightening. His lips kissing my neck do not help. I feel the discomfort growing in my body. I place my hands against his bare chest and forcefully push him away from me. Surprised, Noa looks at me. I don't give him time to react. I grab the doorknob and turn it open. I almost run out of the door and pull it closed behind me.