The Night Rider

Chapter 75

I look at Novak as if I see water burning. He must have felt the same as me, I bet my hand on it. I was pretty sure about my feelings for Jamie, they are not gone after this kiss. I was sure about my lost feelings for Novak, I seem less sure about that now. It's not that this kiss has brought back my crush from before, it makes me doubt if my feelings have been gone.

Novak's hands have not yet left my waist, his eyes fixed on Rafiki. Her eyes are pensive about what Novak has just told her, shown her. I could pull away from Novak's hands, for some unknown reason I do not. I look at the girl in front of me, my thoughts in a black hole. There is something that I don't understand. Rafiki takes a step forward, her eyes sliding over me and Novak. She folds her hands together, stands straight.

'If a blood bond doesn't decay, if loving doesn't disappear, why are you pretending it did? You linked me to Celeste, I feel what she feels'. That is the moment I pull back from Novak's hands. He looks at me in surprise, confused. My hands disappear into my hair, pulling at the roots. I am frustrated, confused about my own feelings. Rafiki presses my nose against the facts, which is painful. Slowly it begins to sink in why she asked Novak that question, she wanted confusion.

'You felt that like before?' I have understood Novak many times in my life, I could always read him. I don't know if it's the many years that have passed, the fact that we've changed or if he's playing me for a fool now. I have not often looked at someone as confused as I am looking at him now. 'You haven't?', I echo the question. His red eyes shoot across the room, I see confusion and frustration. Novak takes a step back, away from me.

'Cell you've always been the one who thought it was a better idea to go our separate ways, not me. You're going to tell me now that you felt the same way you did before?' He's right, it's the painful truth. When I first met Novak, I was severely alienated from reality and dealing with others, brainwashed by my husband and father. I found my way back in life, decades had passed. My feelings for Novak changed with me. A situation arose in which being together was no longer the right option, we had different tasks and needs.

I thought I had left my feelings for him behind at the time, now I have my doubts. 'Ooh yes she did'. I look at Rafiki as if I could kill her with just my gaze. A false smirk graces her lips, she is enjoying this. Whether it is Yin in her body who has set up this confusing action or Rafiki who wants to prove a point, I do not know. It is a backhanded question, seeking confusion and pain. Why was Novak here? This must not and cannot be a coincidence.

Novak cannot laugh at her joke, he gets even more frustrated. I understand the frustration, but it was never his choice. He may have said he was behind it, afterwards he didn't.

'Celeste. I want an honest answer, are you really in love with Jamie?' My hands grab my hair again, tugging at the roots. My eyes squeeze themselves shut, mulling over his question. Is there any way to be in love with two people? To love more than one? I don't know who I imagine myself with, who I want to be with. Novak would be an easier option, Jamie is the challenge I dare not give up.

My thoughts drift to that one time, the time with Jamie that I have never forgotten. At that moment, there was a spark of hope, the hope that never went away, maybe the only hope I have. If Nuri wasn't there, if the situation would allow it, would I choose Jamie? 'Yes,' is my answer. 'Are you serious?'. My eyes shoot open, totally panicked. Jamie's blue eyes are on us from the door, shocked and confused.

All the words have flown out of my brain, my muscles as solid as concrete and my eyes look at him like ping-pong balls. I could kill myself, sink to the ground. The only bit of relief I have is that Nuri is not standing in that doorway. I don't say anything, I don't know what to say. Jamie takes a step onto the concrete floor, moving himself out of the doorway. That one step already feels like a year has passed. My heart is in my throat.

'Celeste, are you serious?' He asks his question again but I have no intention of answering it this time. I hope for a miracle that shifts the focus, whatever. I hope I can turn back time to five minutes before, make everyone forget what happened here. Jamie's voice echoes through the large room, but otherwise it is deathly quiet. The silence is cutting.

As if my prayers are being heard the attention moves. A loud bang on the ground, echoing through the stables. For a moment I am happy with the unexpected occurrence, until I see what is happening. I turn around towards the sound and feel my heart sink even further. Rafiki lies defenceless on the floor, blood dripping from her arm. The wound I made with the scissors has never healed, again blood is running from it.

My legs seem to come out of their lock, running towards Rafiki. I kneel down next to the defenceless girl and grab her wrist. 'Rafiki, wake up!'. Her father tries to shake her awake but she doesn't react, it even increases the bleeding. Stop. I try to find her heartbeat, hoping we are not too late. The bleeding, which was just drops before, now seems to be pouring out. As if her own body is trying to deposit her blood it drips onto the floor. 'Novak get the nurses, now!'