lessons [wk]

- 05

IIIIVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE
/

one day later

uneasy breaths, sweaty hands, and quiet sniffles.

everything was all still the same. nothing has changed. i thought the time with him on the server yesterday would at least mend something, but he obviously didn't want anything to do with me. he never talked to me once. throughout the entirety of the 2 hours i was online, he only spoke to kalynn and chat.

i left the server early, and claimed it was because i didn't get much sleep the night before. it's true, but it's not really the reason i left. i fell asleep rather quickly after; which is very different from tonight.

weston and kalynn stayed on the server for 2 hours longer than i did. it wasn't hard to tell, because i could hear their every move echo around the apartment.

but tonight, it's dead silent, everyone else is asleep but me. i hate night time. it's too much time alone with me and my thoughts. every bad thought about myself comes out once the clock strikes 3am.

all i want is for things to be normal between weston and i again. usually, i would go into his room if i were feeling down about myself at 3am.

we'd stay up and talk, or even just sit together until we fell asleep. something about not being able to do that anymore almost makes me want to cry harder than i already am.

"mar?" westons voice scares me a bit, along with the sudden light beaming in through the open crack of the door.

i sit up in my bed so that my back is against the headboard. my fingers hold my chest as i move, making sure i don't accidentally flash anything through the very deep neckline of this cardigan.

"are you okay?" i can see the gentle outline of his body through the door frame, wearing what he wears to sleep every night.

i stare at him for a second, still sniffling every once in a while.

"no," my voice is just barely loud enough for him to hear.

he walks further into the darkened room at my answer, and shuts the door behind him. he starts to walk closer to my bed, and walks around to the side that i'm not sitting on.

"can i?"

i nod at his question. he sits himself onto my bed next to me once i grant his request. the gentle shift in weight on the mattress is something i missed.

i fist my cardigan shut as he gets closer. the last thing i need is to flash him.

he sits next to me in silence for just a moment, but quickly breaks it.

"i'm sorry," his voice is sounds genuine, the subtle rasp in it showing how exhausted he is.

i turn my head to face him. hes already looking at me. bare chested with nothing but the street lights that peak through the blinds illuminating his face.

"am i supposed to accept that?" my voice breaks through a whisper. i'm not even sure why he's here right now.

"no, i'm not expecting your acceptance. i'm just sorry," if he's not expecting an acceptance, i'm truly unsure what he is expecting me to reply with.

i release the grip on my cardigan, knowing that it's been held there for too long to just expose itself. i cant bring myself to look at him. i stare straight ahead of me as my hands rest on my knees, bent upwards.

"i'm so, so sorry," his voice is nearly inaudible. i feel his hand wrap around the hand on my knee, shocking me for a second. i let him hold it, but don't hold it back.