Stupid Little Blue Haired Boy (boyxboy)

golden.

sorry, been busy. life.

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"Teddy?" I call into the empty home.

My parents are out and my brother's probably banging some nameless slut. At least everyone's in character once again.

I shuffle down the hallway, towards the kitchen, wet socks leaving marks on the creaky floorboards. Dinosaur tracks. I lift my foot a little higher and stomp a little harder, because I can. Why the hell not? Not everything I do has to be justified.

"Hehe. Justified. Like Justy-fied."

I'm acting like a seven year old girl.

"Hello Mr. Fridge," I greet the metal container. "What do you have for me today?"

Mm eggs. Cold pizza. I grin. Cake.

My favourite. Sugar. It's white cake with an inch of the frosting that's so sweet it makes you sick after two bites. I consume it in less than a minute and my stomach growls for more.

I make myself some eggs, and sit down at the underused table. The plant still rests on the floor where Timmy so gently placed it the last time I made him food. It almost gets knocked over by the leg of a squeaky chair.

Timmy.

What am I going to do about him? I know I have to talk to him, but he hasn't been in school all last week. I haven't had an opportunity.

"You wouldn't have done anything even if he was there, coward."  I don't try to deny it, because I know it's the truth.

"I'm just scared I'll say something wrong and make it worse."

"I don't know if it can be any worse. The kid's on drugs. You know what drugs do."

I struggle to push the thought as deep into forgetting as I can. I can't think about that. I'm not ready. Nothing in my life will prepare me to relive that moment.

It's life changing.

I miss Justin. He'd sit down with me and try to figure out what to do. The old Justin at least, with the old me. I don't particularly like the ghost Justin. He's annoying and bossy and says the wrong things at the wrong time and doesn't give me enough space.

That's when it hits me for good. I've outgrown my boyfriend. He was my dom and I was his sub and now there's a part of me struggling to achieve the dominance it needs over others.

If I'm the one in charge, then nobody can leave me.

There's parts of both in all of us; dominant and submissive. We've all got parts of everything in our blood, but the stuff that comes to the surface is what makes us who we are. And that balance can shift over time, resulting in growth and maturity. When one person changes, the other one either changes with them, changes against them, or dies. Nothing can stay the same, so death has to be the option there. It's not always a conscious choice, to die, but it is a possibility. I grew up, up and away like the branches of a great, sprawling tree, and Justin's the little hollow shell of a dead sapling left on the forest floor beneath me.

It's easy to want power when you're way up there.

"Great job genius, but how does this help us with Timmy?"

Once again, the cruel voice is back "Go away." I tell it, "only one problem at a time."

"Reality doesn't stop for anyone. While you're picking yourself up off the ground, the other runners kept going. Now you're behind."