Rant book

Missing you

I found this thing on tumblr. It was apparently French for I miss you. The funny thing is the order of the words, when translated individually then put back together, is closer to "you are missing from me." Honestly things haven't been going so well, my self esteem is extremely low, I've been slipping back into old habits that are probably not the best for my health, and I'm practically faking my emotions to make everyone believe I am okay. I am not okay, I am the furthest thing away from okay. You are the only one who knows about this, the only one I would come to at times like this, but now you're different. You've changed and I don't know if I can trust you with my business anymore. I'm all alone now, even though I have friends I won't let them get close enough, I keep pushing people away. I'm afraid that sooner or later it's going to spiral out of control and I won't be able to get my life back. But see this is all because of you, you screwed me over, left me when I was in a dark place I should've never trusted you. I'm only getting worse. You aren't who you used to be, you aren't worth my time anymore but the sad thing is that I miss you. I miss having someone to rant to about my problems even if they didn't understand my point of view. I miss having a close friend who I shared everything about my day with. Someone I could be myself with. I really just miss how we used to be and honestly I just hope you haven't given up on me completely because you were the only thing that could help me get better, my little sliver of hope. Like a high whenever I realized I wasn't good enough and now Thats the only thing I can understand. That I'm not good enough.

A/N: I guess this was more of a journal entry ... sorry it was so depressing