Rant book

Confidence is key?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I don't get out much, I'm sorry that I always seem to decline when you ask me to come with, I'm sorry I've let my mental instability define me but you have to understand, you have to understand that I have reasons for not wanting to go out, I have reasons for not wanting to meet new people, I have my own damn good reasons and you shouldn't force me into anything that makes me uncomfortable. In retrospect, I'm not confident enough to do half the things I want to do, I'm not confident enough to just go out and kiss that boy or whatever and obviously I'm not confident enough to just hang out with my friends who mind you have nice bodies while I'm just a lump of fat trying too hard to fit in. I know it seems like I don't ever want to do anything but you have to understand that I have these thoughts that keep me from doing most of what I want, like obviously I don't want to make a fool of myself trying, so I'd rather fade into the background but I guess that's not enough for you, I guess you just don't understand and in reality you never will because you look good you can go out in your bikini and not feel any shame but me, I can't do that, I have never been able to and I don't think I will because there will always be this voice in the back of my mind telling me that "no you don't look good" "there's no way in hell you could ever look good" "what on earth are you wearing?" " you look fat as always" (ect.) As sad as that might sound it's the truth and honestly nothing's gonna change that. What can I say, it's all in my head. guess it's my time to go crazy.