Mixed emotions

Fell in love with a fuck boy

"When did you start having feelings for me?", he asked me.

I told him I didn't know. That's the truth, I still don't. I said that what called my attention wasn't him but the way I acted when he was around me.

I am not the type of girl who dates a lot of guys, nor goes out with them just to have fun. I want to have something special with someone, not just having the fun part. 

"Even though a lot of boys text me, I never reply because I get tired of them easily, but with you, I don't know, it's different. I like talking to you. I never get bored. So, I guess that's how I realised I was into you. Because of the way I act when you text me. Because I'm always checking my phone just to see if there's any message from you. Because I like telling you good morning and good night. Because I like receiving them from you." That's what I told him.

I am not a very emotionally demonstrative person when it comes to love. My heart is colder than Antarctica, and if I tell you something nice, it is because I really feel it.

I told him I loved him. I told him he was so handsome I was about to cry. He laughed.

I knew there was another girl before me. She made me really insecure because of how beautiful she was. I knew they had something. He knew I knew.

Everything was perfect until I saw her put a photo of him as a header. I got jealous and felt guilty because I felt like that. I felt like we were nothing but everything at the same time, but who knows, maybe it was just my imagination. I started feeling so down that I had to ask him what was going on with her.

update (2023): we do not talk anymore.