Lilac's Lies

51

One year later.

I was nervous.

I thought I'd be back here sooner. When I left, I had plans to come back sooner. I thought I'd be here every couple of months, visiting Clara.

But, I didn't come back every couple of months. I didn't come back at all. It was like the air was different in Sun Lakes. It was easier to breathe. There was no one judging me, there was no one who knew me. They didn't know my stories. They didn't know about Jesse. They didn't know about the boating accident, and they most certainly didn't know that I had stayed with a woman abuser for years.

I wasn't Lilly there. I was Lilac, and I liked being Lilac. And I could make Lilac whoever I wanted her to be. I could make her the girl I used to be. I could make her happy, and I could make her smile. I could make her out going, and I couldn't make her loud. I could make her whatever I wanted.

So, I didn't come back here. I talked to Clara often, of course. Our friendship was not one that could be determined by distance. She had visited me, she saw my new house, she met my new friends. She told me about life here, she told me about her own life. She didn't ask me to visit. I think she knew, it was easier to leave Lilly in the wind, almost as if I was pretending she never existed.

I sighed as I pulled into Clara's driveway. There was a valet ahead of me, anxiously waiting for me to pull close to him and hand me my keys. I did as he expected, and I knew he was disappointed that I was what I was driving wasn't foreign, or worth hundreds of thousands of dollars like the other cars he would inevitably drive tonight.

Sure, my Honda wasn't special, but it was mine. It was the only gift I've ever fully accepted from my father. He bought it for me after we moved, after my mom told him everything that happened. I guess he realized just how much his absence from my life had shaped me. He realizes that without a proper father influence, I had become someone who accepted attention even when I shouldn't. I accepted love from people I should accept love from. I lied when I should have told the truth, and I didn't tell the truth even when it was demanded of me. It was in guilt, I'm sure, that the car was born from. But, hey, at least it wasn't purple.

I pulled the hem of my dress, just slightly, just enough that it wouldn't trail on the concrete. I looked up at Clara's house, humming to myself at the lavish decorations that were no doubt a result of her mother's party planning. Looks like they had come around after all, the black tie event that was being held tonight was certainly proof. I held my head high as I walked into the doors, my eyes drifting around the dozens of people in the large entry way.

"Lilly!" I heard Clara's voice squeal out, laughing to myself at her theatrics. I barely had time to brace myself before she flung her body onto mine. "I'm so happy you're here. It wouldn't be the same without you!"

"I wouldn't miss it," I told her sincerely as she pulled back. I let my eyes run down her gorgeous white dress, no doubt custom made for the special occasion. "Let me see it."

Clara's smile sparkled as she held out her left hand, her ring finger slightly raised as if I wouldn't be able to see what she was showing me. It was unnecessary, I couldn't miss it. The large diamond was huge, it sparkled brightly, reflecting every inch of light that was cast towards it.

I grabbed her hand, pulling it closer to my face so I could inspect it. It was everything she wanted, everything she talked about as a young girl, and more. "Samuel did good."

"Good?" She repeated as she pulled her hand back. "He did amazing."

I felt a pull in my stomach as we spoke, it was obvious why. When I thought of Samuel, I thought of Roman.

I hadn't talked to him since that day in the hospital. The day I told him I was leaving. He tried, of course he did. He wanted to say goodbye, and I felt bad that I didn't let him. There was a part of me that was just desperate to cut all ties to the situation, and well, he was apart of the situation. Whether he was the best part, or not.

Clara was talking to me, her voice pulling me away from my thoughts. I refocused, catching the rest of what she was saying.

"... and obviously, I didn't really want all these people here for my engagement party, but you know my parents. They had to invite every person they've ever done business with. Not to mention, Samuel's parents are the same kind of people. I think that's why they get along so well," Clara nodded to our right, and I forced my eyes in that direction.

Clara's mom and dad were laughing, taking loudly with what I assume to be Samuel's parents. They looked happy, and I was glad. Neither of us thought Clara's parents would ever accept Samuel, he was a far cry from the doctor or lawyer that I'm sure her parents had expected her to marry. But, they did in the end. They realized what Clara and I had realized a while ago, what they had was true love. And it was beautiful.

"You don't think we're too young, right?" Clara asked, my eyes flickered back to her. "Everyone keeps saying how young we are."

"Clara, did I ever expect you to be engaged at 19? No. But, come on. It's Samuel. It's you and Samuel. You're meant to be." I assured her, shaking my head. It was true, after all. The pull between those two was unlike anything I've witnessed before.

"Yeah," Clara smiled, lost in thought for a moment before she shook her head. "And what about you? How's Kase?"

I shrugged, "I'm sure he's fine. We broke up last month."

It's not like Kase and I were ever serious. I haven't been serious about a boy since I left. They just didn't make me feel the way I knew I was supposed to feel. They were fine, but they didn't make me feel protected, they didn't make me feel safe.

"Too bad," Clara said, but from the tone of her voice, I knew she wasn't actually torn up about it. She was smiling, not frowning. I knew what she was thinking, without her saying anything.

"Oh, speaking of..." Clara mused, pointing towards the back of the room.

I saw Samuel, who was smiling at Clara, and then my heart stopped, because where there's Samuel...