Lilac's Lies

4

My bones were begging me to go home and crawl under my covers. I didn't listen to my teachers as they stood in front of the classrooms, droning on about who knows what. I barely noticed any of the people who spoke to me. They didn't speak to me for very long, however, because I didn't care enough about any of them to try and continue the conversations they started.

It was a draining fatigue, settled right in the centre of my body. It was like a black hole, pulling all my energy deep inside it. I don't know where the black hole led to, all I know was it was somewhere far away from me.

I've never felt like this before. It wasn't a normal feeling of sadness. It was like I was standing at the bottom of public pool. I could see the feet of everyone else enjoying themselves. They were kicking on the surface. They were swimming, playing, laughing. My feet were glued to the tile. And I could only look up.

My mind was so damn busy. There was too much rolling through it. Every thought was pushing behind the one before it, like a traffic jam. Jesse. Clara. Brett. That night. The lies. The secrets.

There was too many things, and I couldn't do anything about them. I couldn't do anything about them because I was standing at the bottom of the pool, and my feet wouldn't move. I could only watch them float around my mind.

Jesse. Clara. Brett. That night. The lies. The secrets.

"Let's go eat." Clara said from beside me. We were standing at her locker, and she was carefully placing all of her textbooks in the exact order they were supposed to be. Clara kept her locker meticulously tidy. She efficiently organized all of her books by the order of her classes. Her notebooks and pens were grouped together, in corresponding order with the textbooks. I think she even dusted it every now and then. 

It was a far cry from my own locker, I thought as we began to walk to her car. I'm pretty sure my locker had a granola wrapper from last week somewhere in it.

It was a good metaphor for the completely different people that Clara and I were. She was organized. She was motivated. She had parents that were still together, and came to see her at every academic award ceremony. She was smart, independent. Sure, she went a little wild on the weekend, but that's just apart of who she is. She works hard, and she plays hard. She was going to go far in life, I had no doubts.

Well... she will go far in life, if our secret doesn't get out. I'm not sure what will happen if it does.

Me on the other hand, I wasn't organized at all. I didn't really care about school. I wasn't dumb, but my mind didn't work like Clara's. Not at all. I didn't have the picture perfect home life that she had either. My mom was great. She was a hard worker, but it was just me and her. It was hard for her to provide for us both, all by herself. She wouldn't be able to make it to any award ceremonies, because she more than likely would be working at the hospital. Not that I have award ceremonies to attend, however.

"What do you want?" Clara asked once we were in her car. It still had the new car smell wafting from the cream coloured leather. I was so jealous of her when her dad bought her this car. Life was easier then, I wish that was the extent of my worries now.

"I don't care, Clara." I sighed out, and my voice sounded like it was in defeat. "Whatever you want is fine. I'm not even hungry."

"Lilly, you have to snap out of it." Clara said. She turned away from the steering wheel, so that she was facing me. "It's not the end of the world."

"It kind of feels like the end of the world." I raised my eyebrows at her in questioning. She didn't seem to be as bothered about everything as I was.

"They're not going to tell anyone." Clara said confidently.

"How do you know that?" I asked her. Who knew what these boys were even capable of?