Talentless Reincarnator.

Ch.1 | Prologue

???'s POV: 

"THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!" I yelled at the thing in the white room, yes -- the infamous white room, the one you go to after you die, the one where in fiction you get 3 wishes so you can then reincarnate in another world and then kick ass with some super badass ability, like being able to freely manipulate time, or having the Saiyan bloodline.

I looked at the person in front of me, no -- more like I glared at him.

It all started today morning when I was heading to school, I was late so I started to run -- I run very fast... That's not really that important of detail, it's just that I like running, and I'm really really fast... Anyways, I was running towards school when I was blinded by a light, I look to my right(Away from the source of light) and then jumped forwards. 

Now... you might think I was run over by a truck or car... if so then fuck off! Cuz I survived, yes! I lived! I LIVED!

I managed to jump just enough to hit the asphalt and miss the truck trying to run me over. I recall yelling something totally normal for a human being to say in that situation before getting back to running towards school, ("FUCK YOU TRUCK-KUN! I WON'T BE ISEKAI'D TODAY!!!")

then it happened, the god damned truck teleported, yes LIKE FUCKING MAGIC, and I don't mean the illusion, sleight of hand I can do, no I mean the real fucking deal, like popping out from existence and then popping up above me. If you think I would die so idiotically then you must be missing a few brain cells, I obviously jumped away once again, dodging the magic truck like a fucking pro, I even shouted something inspiring after dodging ("DOOOOODGEEEEDDDD YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!").

Anywho I was still alive, so I began to run again, I didn't want to be late, my coach can be kind of a pain in the ass if we're late to practice, so I ran at top speed. That's when it happened, something broke through the store next to me.

Normal people might argue that giant flying Hamburgers are funny and/or delicious, well let me just tell you that they are deadly, and not just because of the possible cholesterol and fat in them, I'm talking about weight.

Hello, My name is John Silver, and I was killed by a Burger King sign falling on my head. That's how I got to the white room. If you think that's some bullshit, then that's because I haven't told you what happened next. 

"God" the cosmic weird person who popped up to tell I had died "ACCIDENTALLY" --please note the big, big quotation marks-- and that he would give me 3 wishes and that I couldn't ask for more.

Like any sensible and smart person, I asked so that the rules revolving around wishing didn't apply to me and then asked for a billion wishes which I could store and use at any time....

Whoever says this is a good method is a FUCKING LIAR!

"WHAT?! Even if I could grant all those wishes, I wouldn't want to!" yelled the god, making me shrug. 

"Those are my first two wishes!" I told him, making the god shake his head.

"You abuse the fucking system to get some more wishes?" asked the God, shrugging, "Fine by me, I don't care," he said, pointing his fingers at me, "But for a billion?! WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?! HOW GREEDY CAN YOU GET?!" yelled the god, I shrugged. 

"You have to, those are my wishes!" I told him, making the god laugh.

"Wanna do that?!" he yelled, snapping his fingers, "FINE! THEN I'LL FUCK YOU OVER!" he yelled, snapping his fingers again. 

I remember blinking in confusion, if only I had known asking for a billion wishes would anger him so much...

"YOU GET NO FUCKING WISHES!" he yelled, snapping his fingers.

"THAT'S SOME BULLSHIT!" I yelled.

Oh, see, now we're back where we started! Anyways, I pointed my finger at him and glared.

"AT LEAST GIVE ME ONE WISH!" I pleaded as I felt my whole body hurt like hell. My body was burning up and it felt like several white-hot knives were being plunged in my body. 

"NO! FUCK YOU!" yelled the god, "I am forced to let you keep your memories, but that's about everything you'll get you asshole!" yelled the god, making me glare at him as I felt myself shrink. 

"SONOFABITCH!!!!" I yelled, blacking out straight after.