𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐧 • 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧

13; love keeps a ticking time bomb alive

"the ophicius constellation is what i will be painting,"

joshua and minghao had arrived at the observatory at noon, even when they had already left for the commission at 6 am. it was a long ride, and they had lunch in the train—so all that's left to do is to wait for the night to fall.

"that constellation is a rare sight." joshua continued, walking out to the balcony of the astronomy observatory. "so i need to be very precise and careful. i would appreciate it very much if you could help me throughout the process later, minghao."

minghao nods, carrying joshua's easel. "understood. should i put this here, hyung?"

"yeah, there." joshua nodded. "you can head back inside and sleep for a while, if you want. the observatory is also open for you to roam around if you want."

minghao's eyebrows furrowed.

it felt like joshua was pushing him away. was there something he needed to do privately? did joshua dislike minghao's presence? was there something in his mind?

he decided that it wasn't good to not speak up about what you feel, so minghao stayed out in the balcony with joshua.

"joshua hyung, is there something wrong?" minghao inquired, sitting out under the sun with a preoccupied joshua. "is there anything i can do to help?"

joshua sighed, shoulders slumping. oh no. is he mad?

"there's something on my mind, but we're working right now, so let's save it for later. don't let me bother you, minghao. just do whatever you want to do, and be back at six."

"understood, joshua hyung."

what could possibly be on joshua's mind?

minghao realized that pinpointing constellations were harder than understanding battle plans.

there was an astrologist who helped them pinpoint the ophicius constellation, and joshua started painting right away. minghao was left surprised when joshua worked almost immediately—wasn't he confused since there are lots of other stars around?!

joshua works with oil paint. it takes long to dry, and it's quite hard to work with for a beginner. minghao is amazed how joshua can easily groove around with his chosen medium. minghao understood that oil paint is easy to mix and blend, but joshua... he's just amazing.

if minghao had to pick who the best artist is, he'd probably pick joshua. (no offense to the other artists, though.)

"we're done, minghao. we'll come back later to varnish it." joshua suddenly uttered, placing his paintbrushes in a jar. he stretched his hands as he invited minghao to come closer. "what do you think?"

minghao looks at the painting of the constellation.

woah. how much talent does joshua have in his veins?! his painting matched exactly the sky and stars! the shades were exactly the same, and the stars were all in its correct positions! minghao couldn't help but to be awestruck.

"this is amazing, joshua hyung." minghao says, looking back at joshua—who was laughing. "you are a great artist!"

"no need to flatter me like that," joshua laughed, looking up at the sky. "i simply did my job."

"so...." minghao continued. he was persistent. "what was on your mind?"

joshua's smile fades, and minghao turned anxious. he might have said something wrong for joshua to lose his bright mood, and minghao fears that he might lose his friendship with joshua.

(is that how friendships work?)

"minghao... do you really want to know?" asks joshua.

"i-i do, i do want to know, hyung!" minghao exclaimed unintentionally, startled that joshua had just spoken again.

joshua sighed, walking over to the balcony's railings to lean on. minghao followed suit, and copied where joshua was looking. the constellation.

"recently, i found out that i might... not live as long as i had intended," joshua starts. "the fumes from the oil paint and the solvent is making my health worse little by little, and i cannot really do anything about it, unless i change into another medium.

"i'm scared. i don't want to leave jeonghan earlier than what we expected. jeonghan is someone who relies on me when something is wrong, and i'm afraid that there's nobody who will be there for him soon, and he'll be left all alone with his thoughts. i..." joshua trailed off, turning to look at minghao.

with a slight smile and a sparkling pair of eyes, joshua continues. "i love jeonghan, minghao."

minghao had goosebumps.

that's why! that's why those soldiers minghao always worked with were so scared of death, that minghao ridiculed them for it. that's why those normal soldiers were always cautious in operations, even though they swore an oath that they will give their life for the country—it was because of love!

but... what is love, exactly? minghao knew that it was important and it makes you feel happy, but minghao's never experienced it for himself.

to hear joshua's experiences is something enlightening to minghao, and he was eager to hear more.

"that must be so confusing for a little boy like you, huh?" joshua laughed, patting minghao's back.

"love confuses me, hyung, but it sounds very fascinating." minghao states, sighing quietly. "but... i think i can help you paint with acrylics. if you ever want me to teach you, hyung."

joshua smiled, nodding. "sure. i really need your lessons. you're a better choice than wonwoo." he jokes, and minghao slightly smiled.

minghao turned his gaze to the stars—and got lost in his thoughts.

how amazing. there are all these nice things in the world to love. like those stars, the moon, the night sky, the mix of colors at sunsets and sunrise, festivals, shiny things, clothing, shoes—and a lot more that minghao can't enumerate.

and yet, joshua chooses jeonghan.

"you know what, minghao?" joshua adds, after seconds of silence. "i'm trying to save jeonghan every day by being here for him. but who's going to save me?"