Amazed

Chapter 23: Think about it

Yelena did not stop as she continued speed walking to her room. It wasn't until she had gotten to her door and tried to shut Y/N out that they'd caught up with her. They slipped through her door and into her room.

"Hey! Come on, you have to hear me out. Nothing happened back there! It wasn't what it looked like!" Y/N exclaimed.

As they closed the door behind them, Yelena turned around with tears now streaming down her face, "I was stupid to think that you didn't have feelings for her anymore. I was stupid to think you wanted me. This was all stupid and a waste of time."

"No, God no, please don't say that," They said as they walked over to her, "Please listen to me Yelena, I'm begging you."

Her tears continued to fall as she looked at her feet. Y/N reached out to grab her hands and pull her to sit on her bed. Yelena had been so deep in the feeling of her own sadness that she followed without fighting their grip.

Y/N kept her hands in theirs as they spoke, "Listen to me, I don't have feelings for her. I want you, Yelena. All I want is you and I know today was sticky and weird, but I promise I want you."

As she looked up, wiping her eyes, she asked, "But can you promise me that you don't love her anymore?"

They were taken aback by this question, knowing that what happened back in the jet had made them question if they still did have love for her.

"I-I don't know. I don't want to be with her, Yelena. I want you," They responded.

She shook her head vigorously as the tears beat down harder, "That's not what I asked you! Do you still love her, Y/N?! Yes or no!"

Y/N swallowed hard trying to think of what to say. She deserves the truth, they thought.

"I think I do," They started, but before they could finish, Yelena had ripped her hands away from them and stood from her bed.

"Get out," She said as she pointed to her door. Y/N tried to speak again, but she persisted, "Y/N, get out of my room."

By now, Y/N was tearing up. Their mind was a mess trying to figure out what was going on with their feelings.

"Please, Yelena. Please just believe me. All I want is you," They pleaded one last time.

She looked from the door, meeting their eyes. The two were both in shambles trying to figure out what to do.

"Until you can prove to me that it's only me, then I don't want to speak with you. You should've figured this out before starting anything with me," She said as she choked back more tears.

Y/N took one more chance stepping forward one last time, "Please," they begged through the tears that were now staining their blushed cheeks.

But Yelena did not falter, "Just go, Y/N."

As the two held eye contact for a few more seconds, it felt as though the world was falling down on them. Y/N felt nothing but an aching feeling in their stomach seeing Yelena beaten down like this because of them.

They turned to leave and open the door, but before they stepped out, they left her with one last word, "I'll figure this out and I'll be back for you, Yelena. I promise," They said before stepping out.

Once the door closed, Yelena sunk into her bed and Y/N sank to the floor outside of her room. They'd finally let the tears fully fall as quiet sobs erupted from their mouths. 

Y/N's mind was racing as they tried to collect their thoughts.

What the hell is wrong with me? How could I let this happen? Do I still love Wanda?

They rested their head back on her doors, letting the tears fall back a bit while the ones on their cheek finally dried. Y/N stood and finally returned to their room, turning on the stars that Yelena had showed them their first day back at the compound.

I want Yelena, they thought, I want her so bad but how am I supposed to figure any of this out if Wanda is still floating around in my mind?

The thoughts were rampant causing a massive headache to sit in as Y/N laid their head back on their pillow. At this point, they knew that the only way to get through this was to sort their thoughts out with the only person who was capable of piecing them together for them.

(Just now) Y/N:

"Can you come to my room?"

(Just now) Uncle Steve:

"Be right there."

Steve made his way down to sit with Y/N. They ran through the entire story for him. Yelena being angry, Wanda saying she still loves them, Wanda almost kissing them, Yelena seeing their almost kiss, and then Yelena ending things between the two of them.

He was very surprised to hear that so much had happened in the hour since they'd been home, but he tried his best to help them sort out what they were thinking.

"Your head is a mess for a couple of different reasons, Y/N. The main one seems to always come back to Wanda, though. You two have talked and been civil, but have you really talked about what happened before you left?" He asked.

Y/N looked around their room as they tried to think over the conversations they'd had with Wanda since they'd arrived back at the compound.

"No... I don't think we have," They replied.

"Well... I think this was inevitable then. You two didn't speak the entire time you were gone and you just came back expecting her to act like nothing happened. You expected yourself to not feel anything either! I mean, come on Y/N," He said sounding exasperated. 

They sat up quickly as they started trying to defend themselves, "I was fine! I was completely fine being with Yelena. Everything was fine until she had to say that!"

Steve shook his head, "If anyone else had gotten that close to you, had said they loved you, would you have let them?" He asked.

Y/N was offended but quickly came to the realization that they wouldn't have. If anyone else had tried to do that, they would've stopped them immediately. Steve was able to see the realization that was plastered on Y/N's face.

"Exactly. You need to figure your feelings out before you even try talking to Yelena again. I know you really like her and care about her, but if you truly care about her then you'll figure things out with Wanda first," He said as Y/N's eyes dropped to their lap.

They knew that he was right. It's not fair to Yelena. Hell, it's not fair to them or to Wanda either. 

God, I have to figure out what the hell I want, they thought, and the best way to do that is at the source.

(2 min ago) Y/N:

"Can we go get breakfast tomorrow
and sit down to talk about.. stuff?"

(Just now) Wanda:

"Of course. I'll meet you at your
room at 8."