Amazed

Chapter 25: Clarity

Y/N drove Wanda back to the compound and walked her up to her room. Though it was an insanely difficult conversation to have, it finally helped them answer questions that they didn't even know they had.

As they arrived at her door, Y/N opened it for Wanda to walk through. After stepping in, she asked Y/N to come in quickly before heading off.

"What's up?" They asked.

Without question and without time to think, Wanda stepped in and planted her lips on Y/N's. Her hands cupped the sides of their cheeks as they allowed their hands to fall on her waist. They leaned into the kiss and pulled Wanda in tightly.

After a few seconds, Y/N pulled back. They rested their forehead on Wanda's and clenched their eyes shut tight thinking through what to say.

Wanda inched up and tried to lean in again, her breath able to felt on Y/N's cheek.

"I love you, Y/N... Please. I know you feel it too," She said as she choked back her tears again.

If only she was right, they thought, but she isn't.

"I'm sorry, Wanda. I tried, I really did. I love you... but it's just platonic," They responded. Leaning back into the kiss probably wasn't the greatest idea they'd ever had, but they knew as soon as they did, that everything had solidified for them.

As they wrapped their arms around her waist, all they could see was Yelena. They had hoped that when they opened their eyes, it would be her staring back at them. 

Wanda nodded as she pulled away from Y/N, but they pulled her in to an embrace, holding her tight, "You know me better than probably anyone here, and I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you gave me, but you deserve a love that gives you the same effort," They said as they caressed her back while she cried into their shoulder.

When she pulled away again, Y/N allowed her to step back. She wiped the tears from her face and looked up to them, "Thank you for being honest with me, but I won't be able to be your friend," She started.

Y/N looked to their feet as they felt the back of their eyes burn. Hurting her was the last thing they'd wanted to do, but this was the last piece of their puzzle. It had to be done. They had to figure it out.

"I think I will be able to in time, just not now. Not for a while," She finished. Y/N nodded, knowing that it was probably for the best anyway. They gave her one last hug before heading out of her door and into the hallway.

******

A week had passed since Y/N had gone to breakfast with Wanda. They hadn't spoken and neither had Y/N and Yelena. She'd shared glances with them, but nothing more. Steve had told them that Nat was finally coming around, but wouldn't speak about anything he knew with Yelena.

"I need to talk to her," They said, "but I don't want to push her. I don't want to make things worse."

Steve blew a long breath through his nose before replying, "I wish I could tell you what to do, but I can't. You have to make that decision on your own."

Y/N rolled their eyes before he continued, "But look what happened with Wanda. You followed your gut, even though it hurt like hell, and you finally got the answers you didn't even know you needed."

He was right. Watching Wanda break in front of them was harder than going through the fight they had before Y/N had left, but it was necessary. They both knew now that there was no going back for them. It was over, for good.

They nodded as they heard a few plates rustle in the kitchen from where they sat in the living room. Yelena had brought down a few cups that she had stashed in her room from not leaving so that she would avoid seeing Y/N.

It's now, they thought, I have to talk to her now.

"I'll catch up with you later," They said as they stood from where they were seated with Steve, "I'm going to try my best."

"You've got this," He responded as he patted their back.

They shook their arms as they made their way over to where Yelena was cleaning out her cups. It had been a week since they'd spoken, but it felt like ages. Y/N wasn't even sure how to start a conversation after what they'd been through.

"Uh hey, Yelena," They said as they walked up next to her, "Are you free?"

She glanced up at them and quickly returned her eyes to her cups, "I don't think this is a good time, Y/N."

"Just give me five minutes, please," They asked.

Yelena closed her eyes as she paused what she was doing. She returned her eyes to Y/N, "Five minutes. I'll meet you in your room after I'm finished."

With that Y/N smiled slightly and nodded, heading up to their room. Yelena had come up shortly after when she had finished cleaning up. As she walked in, she didn't say anything as she walked to sit down on their bed.

"You have five minutes," She said sitting on their bed.

They closed the door and walked over to their bed to sit next to her, "I know I messed up. I know I should've done everything I did this past week before we got serious, but I wanted to talk to you about it all."

Yelena nodded to urge Y/N continue but kept her stoic face, "When Wanda and I ended, it was because I couldn't give her what she wanted... because I didn't want to. I loved her, I love her... but it's not like that. Talking with her helped me realize that. It's why we didn't work out. I was confused but I figured that out."

As they trailed off, Yelena squinted her eyes trying to figure out what else there could be for them to say after that.

Y/N swallowed hard before starting again, "When it hit me, when I realized it was platonic, it was because I realized what I feel for you... and it's not platonic. Not in the slightest."

"Y/N, dont.." She started.

"Just listen," They continued as they grabbed her hand, "Yelena, I want you. I want this. I want us. I would lay it all on the line for you. I would give everything up if it meant that I'd be with you."

As she listened, tears started to form in the corners of her eyes, "And I know that you're still upset with me. I get it. I would be too, but I'm not giving up on us. I might have fucked up. I might have had to get beat down to see where my head was, but I know now."

They grabbed her other hand and held both in theirs, "I will be here," they kissed her hands, "I will be waiting for you every day until you're ready."

Y/N placed two more kisses on the backs of Yelena's hands, "You are everything, Yelena Belova, and I would go to the end of the universe to be with you, to show you what you mean to me."