𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗱𝘆, han seojun

˗ˋ 46

╭                                                                 ╮
━━━ " 📂  " ‍..⃗. ༉

𝙍 𝙀 𝙈 𝙀 𝘿 𝙔

! chapter forty-six─── ʚĭɞ

╰                                                               ╯

"You look like you have a lot on your mind," Seojun commented. She did, really, although on the other side of his words he himself felt quite confused, a cloud of words casting a translucent haze over anything coherent. 

"There is." Miyeon admitted, her head focused on one of the grates in the pavement in front of them.  Her hands curled around the edge of wall upon which they sat, tapping along in no particular beat, instead just needing to fiddle with something. "I... probably had too much to drink to have this conversation."

Seojun nodded slowly. "You mean the one about me and Jugyeong... or what came after us deciding it was probably the most stupid thing we've ever decided to do?" He continued.

"The most stupid?" Miyeon repeated.

"Why, can you think of any other?" Seojun returned the question. "I mean... I can." He added into the silence. "I don't know why I did it. I know why you did it... but I don't understand why I did it."

Miyeon frowned, knowing there was no way the amount of alcohol she had consumed could lead to her misinterpreting something this poorly. Seojun just wasn't speaking clearly, and so, "Done what?" She asked. 

"You know... all this." Seojun shrugged, hand gesturing in front of him. "I know why you did it - I'm not questioning you, I swear... just questioning myself. About becoming an idol, about going on dates with Jugyeong - I don't know why I did it."

"Well, you became an idol because that's what you like to do. You're a natural entertainer and are practically born for the role. Everyone thinks so - everyone at the company and everyone at school. We all knew it. I knew it."

"And that's the only opinion which actually matters." Seojun let out a sigh. "Maybe Suho, but he never calls, and Chorong only sometimes... but you matter the most... your opinion, that is... actually, no. You. You matter the most."

Miyeon was quiet and completely confused. She had little to no idea where this conversation was heading, and what point Seojun was journeying towards. "Why?" She asked. 

"Why?" Seojun blinked. "I don't know, really. I just know it... I feel it too." His hand moved to his heart for a moment before falling to his lap. "It's always been you. Even when I tried to hate you because of Seyeon's death, I knew I couldn't. I tried to hate you because maybe there was the slightest possibility that you could have saved him. But that doesn't make sense. Because I could have saved him too... we just couldn't."

"I don't think anyone could have. I think it was too much, in the end. And in his time of need... we were distracted, unaware of just how much pain he was in." Miyeon replied in hardly anything more than a whisper.

"I was wrong to blame you. I've known that for ages, but I can't remember if I've ever apologised for it. Not properly anyway. I think I felt too guilty to. I tried to stop him, you know. I never knew until Suho told me, but I was trying and stop him from loving you because I love you too. And... it's taken me longer than I would have liked to come to terms with that." Seojun said. "Which is why I was so quick to agree to your terms."

"My terms?" Miyeon asked.

"Yeah. The whole me needing to ask Jugyeong out and then me needing to wait until the right moment to sort out what I was feeling. Sure... I loved Jugyeong at some point, but I've always loved you." Seojun shrugged. "I think a part of it was me coming to terms with the fact I've treated you and Suho so badly... and that I tried to stop Seyeon from liking you when I know, now, that it's impossible." Seojun breathed in sharply before continuing.

"I don't understand why I waited so long to ask Jugyeong out. I don't even know why I asked her out, seeing as I think I ended up realising somewhere along the way that it was just a momentary thing." He said. "I wanted to prove to you I was ready too, and I knew that Jugyeong didn't like me back... I'm saying a lot right now.. do you understand what I mean?"

"I think so." Miyeon nodded. "I... yeah, I do." She didn't wait for him to ask her to elaborate. "You waited to ask Jugyeong out to prove that you didn't like her because you were able to overcome conflict about Seyeon and me... and it happened when it did because you figured out that she wouldn't like you either."

Seojun stared at her before nodding, "You always understand. You're way too nice, you shouldn't be so nice." He shook his head, smile completely contrasting his spoken disapproval before becoming a little more serious. "And you shouldn't have waited for me whilst I was being an idiot, you could have been happy.. with Hyunwoo or someone else." 

"I wouldn't want to be with anyone else." Miyeon smiled. "I would've waited."

"You did wait."

"I did." 

He hesitated, a hand reaching towards her to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. A smile broke through the corners of his lips, revealing his true feelings. "I think I'm gonna kiss you now." He said. "Alright?" 

Miyeon's heart thudded in her chest, almost as if it was trying to break out, as she nodded, leaning into his touch as he leaned towards her and kissed her. Finally, after so long, things were falling into place.

And just like that, Miyeon didn't need to wait any longer.