The second he was free, he only had one place on his mind. There was only one place he wanted to go. He ran to the nearest ship, climbing on and starting it up. He didn't care if he barely knew how to fly, he had somewhere he needed to be.
When he landed, the ramp had barely extended before he was off, sprinting to your door, the door to the house that you and him had gotten for when you needed to escape, get away from the war for a day. When he reached it, he started banging his fist on it. He was desperate to see you, to have you back in his arms.
"Y/n!" He yelled overtop of his hammering fist. "Y/n! Please! I need you! I-I need you to be here!" He kept yelling and banging until the door opened. He barely took a second to take in your confused and shocked expression before his lips crashed to yours.
"Mesh'la," he said as he pressed sloppy kisses to your skin, his lips trailing over your face and neck while his hands roamed your body.
"Howzer," you said, pulling back from him to see his face. His expression was desperate and hurt, as if he had gone through something terrible.
"Howzer...I didn't think I'd ever get you back," you said, still completely shocked by his sudden appearance.
"Mesh'la I'm here," he said, pulling you back into him. Teeth clashed as he desperately held your face to his. He began pushing you back farther into the house, navigating without looking as he already knew exactly where everything was from his countless visits before. You felt something wet fall onto your hand that rested on his chest.
"Y/n, mesh'la please," he begged, pulling back to look at you with tears streaming down his face.
"What, Howzer? What do you need?"
"I need you," he said, griping your waist tightly. "I need to feel you, to know this is real. That I'm actually out and alive, back with you."
"Okay," you breathed out, and he immediately began ripping your clothes off of your body. His own armor was discarded next, and when his eyes met yours again, you knew he was truly scared.
He pushed you against the wall, lifting you up to rest on his waist. This wasn't like normal. He never acted this desperate. He was always patient, leading you up and then gently helping you ride out your high. He always made sure to take care of you.
But now?
Now he didn't wait. He didn't even wait for his cock to harden, sheathing himself inside you before either of you were ready. The sudden stretch was painful, and you couldn't help but let out small cries of pain. But he didn't notice, or didn't acknowledge them. He just began to ram his hips into your, making your back hit against the wall. Tears still flowed as he let out ragged breaths. Or maybe they were sobs, you couldn't tell. Nothing about this was bringing satisfaction to you, but it didn't bother you. You could feel in the way he moved and held you that this was what he needed right now.
His face was buried in the crook of your neck as he rutted up into you. You could feel him hardening as he went, but it still wasn't pleasurable for you. If anything, it made you worry even more. The spots where his fingers dug into your waist were hurting under the pressure, but you didn't dare tell him.
His hips had no sense of fluidity. They merely acted as a tool to push his cock into you, and pull it back out again and again. You tried to enjoy the feeling of him sliding in and out, but you couldn't. You were too focused on how his face had looked when he first laid his eyes on you. As if he had just seen a ghost.
He began to rut into you faster and harder, and you knew he was chasing his release. The sounds he was making were now leaving his throat in chokes, gasps that were anything but sensual. You forced yourself to tighten around him as he spilled into you, wanting to help as much as you could.
When his hips slowed and stopped, he pulled out and set you down, only to just hold you against the wall. His face remained buried in the crook of your neck, and you knew now that he was sobbing. His arms wrapped tightly around you as he kept you close, body shaking against yours. You slipped your own arms around his body, comforting him as best you could.
"I-it was like I couldn't control myself," he stammered into your skin, his hot breath sending shivers down your spin, but not good ones.
"T-they...they wanted us to hurt them...the Twi'leks." You couldn't resist it as your body stiffed, hearing about what the Empire had done. You thought instantly of your friends Cham and Eleni, and little Hera.
"Mesh'la," he said as he pulled back to hold your chin as he looked into your eyes. "If you would have been there, we would have killed you. I would have killed you."
"No, Howzer. You wouldn't have," you countered, brows furrowing as he shook his head.
"We were ordered to kill all Jedi. Y/n, they were controlling us. I wouldn't have had a choice." Your breath caught in your throat as you looked deep into his eyes, searching for the man you had known before. The brave soldier, who was always confident and led his men with no fear. The protector of the Syndullas, the Captain of his troopers. But you didn't see any of that. You saw a lost man, someone who had been used and forced to do things against his will and better judgement.
"You're safe now," is all you could think to say as he pressed his face back into you and cried.
You don't know how long you stayed like that, your bare bodies pressed together as he let himself go. It was long enough for the bright daylight to fade into darkness. You didn't care how long you had to stay there, you would hold him forever if he needed it. You would let him cry until he was ready to move again.
Because you loved him, and you always would. You would never allow him to think any of this was his fault, that he did any of this when it wasn't his choice. He wasn't a tool anymore, he wasn't a weapon. He was just another man now, and this is what he needed.
