Mortalized

Define Empathy (18)

     'If he lost his brother similar to how I lost mine, then surely the moment he found out ..I.. was the one to kill his brother, he would want to kill me! There would be no way around it, meaning I would have to kill him!... But then that would be like killing myself.. if I wanted to kill me, then surely I wouldn't want to die doing it, but then that would mean I would be dead! So, if he did kill me that would just be him killing his future self, because I already killed Notch, but then why would I even need to be killed in the first place...unless I was HIS Notch, meaning that I would have to let him kill me for my distain of him! But if I was Notch than I shouldn't have killed him, and if I shouldn't have killed him then the boy shouldn't have to kill ME!... Ohh, this is just goes in an endless circle, doesn't it?!'

     My already foggy brain attempted to make sense of itself, attempting greatly to decide the morality behind it all. Eventually I gave up on morality yet again, as I struggled through the woods. It was how I always worked, and attempting to think about the moral behind my decisions proved far too great of a challenge for me. It would be back to the simpler stuff. As long as he helps me, I let him live. But the moment he turns on me, I turn on him. That's how it was always done, and that's how it would /continue/ to be done.

     That part cleared up, I still had so much clinging onto me after that conversation. Apparently it was possible for someone to feel similarly to myself. Apparently it was possible for someone to feel the same underlying frustrations I felt. Did it mean I was not broken, feeling such immense pain at times? Didn't mean others could feel the same way..? How?! I thought I was broken beyond belief! Were such intense feelings natural, then? Or were they just a result of my past? Perhaps, since 303, had a very similar path, he too had these side effects... That would make sense... And then every other living creature was just like the fish, some species being able to talk being the major difference. Yes... 303 and I were simply different from the rest, due to circumstance.. That was the only explanation I could come up with; the only thing that would explain why 303 was able to feel the complexities of emotion like I was.

     Having that too cleared up at last, the only thing left were the pressing, nameless feelings weighing me down, so many of them being tied to Steve. I had fought off the urge to melt down before by the fire, but now that was only growing stronger as I stumbled in the forest, alone. I really needed Max, but I was too afraid to go back. Too afraid to face 303 in this state. My mind was fractured and fear was rising within me as every shadow began to call my name. The same dancing trees that had haunted me in nights past were slowly creeping back into the night. Still, I pressed forward, away from the light of the fire, now far behind me.

     'Herobrine~' Right then I heard Null's voice again, except it wasn't as real as it had been before. To me it sounded more like a looming ghost, here only to mock me at my weakest point. 'Heeobrine, I know you're scared.. Why don't you run back to your dog? I'm /sure/ that useless animal will be able to save you somehow.' He teased.

    "I- I killed you! I know I did! I watched as your ash fell into the earth, and even then I stomped until you were no more!" I shouted up at the trees, making a point.

     'You know I would never leave you alone.~' Mocked the voice.

     "Th-en, I'll just kill you again! Show yourself, coward!" I picked up a stick off of the ground and held it at a dark spot between a couple trees.

     'I'm going to tell Daad~' His voice then echoed back at me. I quickly dropped the stick. It didn't even take a second for my mind to revert back, even though I had done everything in my power to prove myself a strong warrior, completely capable of killing any who dared oppose me! ...It still wasn't enough.

     I ran through the forest blindly, my splint digging into my foot and knee with every large stride I made. Pain again erupting from the wounds that I thought had finally been healed. No matter where I went, how fast I had gone, of even where I was going, the voices all sounded the same. The trees all danced mockingly. The moon pointed through the weaving branches down on me like a spotlight, eagerly watching the duel it was certain would ensue. I ran until I physically couldn't anymore. The splint had pinched my calf so many times it was bleeding, and my breathing was so out of whack I could feel the earth rotating without me, and gravity's pull was suddenly ten times stronger. What on earth was happening?! I thought I was past this point already! Why was I back here?