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chapter fourteen
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I remember the day my dad died. Every second, every last breath. I haven't yet been able to forget a single detail.
I was sitting on the hospital bed, the sour antiseptic smell of Mount Sinai drowned out by the millions of tiny air fresheners my mom had left in the room. My long blonde hair tied back messily with a plastic clip, head on my father's shoulder. A copy of Kelley Armstrong's 'Watcher in the Woods' open over my knees, my dad reading his own copy of 'Angels and Demons'. Dan Brown.
My mom was out that morning, a work meeting at the museum that she couldn't get out of. Not that it would have mattered, I think we all knew Yuki's time was running out. I was spending every chance I could with him. The only friends I knew were the ones I worked with. The only two things I had were the courthouse and my family.
Yuki's diagnosis made me feel like a scared little kid again. The unimaginable fear seven-year-old me felt when I got lost in a corn maze on our trip to Nebraska and didn't think I'd ever see my parents again was back in full force the second the words 'liver cancer' left the oncologist's mouth.
The worst part was that at this point, the only thing we could do was prepare for death. We couldn't even have him at home with us.
"You need to get your life back, Gillian." My dad's voice made me snap my eyes up from the book I was reading, zeroing in on him with a surprised expression.
"What?"
"You know what, Gilly." The arm that wasn't connected to an IV drip reached out and clasped my hand. "For too long your entire life has been centered around me and your mother. When I'm not here anymore, I need to know you're going to be okay."
I lifted my head from his shoulder, my book sliding off my jeans and getting lost in the mountain of white sheets. "Dad, what are you talking about? You've still got lot's of life in you."
Shaking his head, he gave me a tired smile. "That's wishful thinking, peanut."
I shook my head, tears starting to fall. "Dad, don't say that!"
"Take care of your mother. And remember that I love you, so so much." Yuki closed his eyes, leaning back into the mountain of pillows. Not long after, the machines started wailing. It was an awful sound.
"Dad!" I shouted, first in English, and then in Japanese. "Dad!"
An army of nurses came running into the room, trying to get me to leave.
I couldn't let go of his hand.
"I'm not leaving!" I had shouted through tears as the doctor shook his head, a look of sorrow and sympathy clouding his features.
