3:09

CHAPTER 11 - THE INEVITABLE

*BRRIINNG BRRIINNG*

"Hello?... Oh hey Courteney. How are you?... Yeah, yeah we're okay. Just... getting through each day, y'know."

*BMBBMMB*

Cara began to laugh on the phone, "Courteney did you hear that? Well, Rose says hi..."

Cara effortlessly directed a warm spoon full of soup into her baby's mouth, while balancing the phone in between her shoulder and right ear.

"Um... tonight we're having soup and we're gonna get all messy. Aren't we? Yes we are... yes we are... Anyway, so what's been happenin..."

Cara leaned in for another spoonful, cleaning Rose's chin with her decimated pink bib.

"Oh God, I would kill for that right now! If you keep telling me about this I'm gonna have to hang up on you..." she snickered sarcastically.

"Girl, I would love for you to come over but the place is a mess and, y'know doctor's appointments, check-ups and all that stuff. Now isn't the time babe."

As Rose slurped her last spoonful, Cara stayed on the phone, cleaning and washing dishes, while still managing to keep an eye out for her daughter every minute or so.

"No, I'm sure it's fine. The doctors actually say that if she stops breathing for around 20 seconds then that's completely normal... but any more than that, we'll have to put her on the machine."

She lifted Rose out of her chair and paced up the stairs, manoeuvring through the messy hallway filled with small cardboard boxes and an infinite amount of baby toys. While reaching the top of the stairs she decided to walk into the office room. The room, contrary to the rest of the house, was clean as a whistle. It was untouched. Cara took a deep breath through her nose. The room still smelled like him.

"Hmm... sorry what did you say? I just... yeah sorry. Go on..."

Cara closed the office room door and carried Rose into her bedroom.

"No. He tried to ring me about two weeks ago, but I didn't answer. No... there'll be time for that, but it's not now."

While walking through the bedroom she treaded on a small giraffe in the middle of the room.

"Ahh... Ouch that hurt... Yeah, this time it was a stupid giraffe."

She placed Rose in her cot, then grasped the small giraffe toy, throwing it in the bin without a second thought. Cara ran her hands through her unwashed hair and wiped the sweat off of her warm nose.

"Courteney, you're not in any position to give me advice about my life! Why does everyone keep asking me about him? I don't want to talk about it! Can we please just..."

Courteney paused for a moment. Cara stepped away from the phone, recognising what she had just said.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I've gotta go. We'll talk soon, okay? Bye-bye."

Cara strode to the window, turned the lock and viewed the street outside. Her hands shook feverishly. She placed her left hand on her clenched right fist as she closed her eyes and paused, for the first time of the day.

"Breathe in... one... two... three... and breathe out... one... two... three..."

Cara's hands still continued to tremble sporadically. His name still lingered in her clouded mind. Whether it was random memories, his signature smell or objects that reminded her of him.

She started to speak out loud once again, "I can do this. I can do this. Breathe in... one... two... three... and breathe out... one... two... three..."

After a few more necessary breathing techniques, she closed the bedroom window and moved to the cot.

"Goodnight, baby girl..." she said, kissing Rose on the forehead.

Rose continued to smile for a few moments until her facial expression fell into the abyss. Her smile turned to nothingness, as if she had seen a ghost. Her hands fell by her side and her small little head slowly lost its position. Cara reached out to her, placing her palm on Rose's chest. She felt nothing. Cara leaned into the cot, perching her ear to Rose's mouth and trying to hear something, anything come out of her soft, delicate lips.

"H-hey, hey baby... c'mon you're fine..." she told herself as she frenetically moved Rose on her side.

Rose was silent and unresponsive. Cara began to count in her head. "One... seven... thirteen... eighteen..."

It had been more than twenty seconds, yet Rose remained as silent as the Sahara. Cara leaped out of the bedroom and bolted for the main bedroom. She bashed the door open, scurrying into the corner in search of the mask machine, covered in dust and hairs.

Cara continued to count, "twenty-three... twenty-four... twenty-five..."

Her heart was searing. She held the machine to her chest, running back into Rose's bedroom. Cara meticulously lifted her out of the cot and placed her on the cold carpet. Shaking like a leaf, she attempted to plug the chord into the wall. She placed the overly-sized, clear mask onto Rose's face and turned on the machine.

*PPFFFFT KKSSSHH*

As Rose's skin drew colder, Cara's complexion turned whiter. She couldn't believe her eyes.

"NO! NO! PLEASE NO!"

She slightly moved the mask a few inches up and then a few inches down. The thoughts crowding her anxious mind were not helping in the slightest. Her emotions nosedived into the darkest of places, which she had once again lost all control of.

Cara looked around the room in search of some answers. There wasn't an object that hadn't been gazed upon by her nervous and teary eyes. Finally, she reached the phone. She persisted to press her hand on Rose's face while reaching out to grab the phone, which now had a crack in the top right corner.

"PICK UP! PICK UP AARON!"

Ten seconds started to feel like a lifetime. The pauses in between the phone beeps couldn't have been any longer. She wept instantly as the call ended and no one answered. Time stood still as Cara's breathing increased. She turned off the machine and held her daughter up to her chest, knowing it could very well be the last time.

"DON'T DO THIS TO ME BABY GIRL! PLEASE... PLEASE..."

Cara felt a slight kick on her chest. The kick was soft and harmless, but it was a kick nonetheless. She placed her daughter back onto the floor and proceeded to sob uncontrollably. Rose sat there, eyes wide open, hands waving around and feet kicking.

Cara collapsed to the ground. She laid on the floor and respired like a chimney. She took a moment to collect herself, a moment she definitely needed. She laid next to her baby and held her cold hand. The hand she needed... the hand she wanted... and the only hand she had.