Dear Diary... (Shawmila)

The End

Folding her clothes carefully, Camila couldn't stop the tears that ran like tiny rivers over her cheeks

For two days she had been in hospital, safe in the confines of the building, detached from real life but now she had been discharged and was ready to leave and she couldn't help the terror that had taken hold of her body, causing every part of her to tremble as her tears refused to stop falling

"Mila?"

She didn't even turn to look at the tall man that now stood in the doorway to her room holding a bunch of long stemmed sunflowers, she just allowed her body to give in to the sobs that were causing her chest and her heart to ache unbearably

"Can I come in?"

Again she didn't answer, she just stood in the silence as her entire world crashed down around her and fear of what was to come gripped her throat more tightly than Jareds hands ever could

Shawn moved slowly through the room towards her, aware that any sudden noises, movement or touches could provoke an animalistic reaction as he had seen the day before when the doctor had attempted to check her over

"Mila... honey it's me" slowly he reached out and touched her shoulder, completely unprepared for the way she spun and threw herself into his arms her tiny body shaking in his arms as her tears soaked into his thin, mustard coloured T-shirt "it's ok..." he soothed

"Jared..." she managed to choke out

"He will be fine, the second surgery went well"

"They're going to put him in jail!"

Shawn knew they would, just as he knew it was exactly where he belonged but now wasn't the time to get into it with Camila, she was too fragile, too distraught to think clearly

"And mama..."

"She's going to be fine, the cuts on her hands weren't deep, her hands are bandaged but they will be fine. Will you agree to see her soon? She's frantic with worry"

"How can I?!" Camila tightened her arms around the waist of her oldest friend "How can I ever look her in the eye again?!"

"None of this is your fault" Shawn promised her as he rubbed soothing circles on her back, cringing when he realised he could feel every bone of her spine and shoulder blades

"It's all my fault! Jared, mama..."

"No! Don't say that it was him, it was all him"

"He won't survive in prison he'll be so afraid"

"Camila, he made your home a prison, the one place you should have been safe"

"He loved me! I know he did"

Shawn just continued to hold her, unprepared to argue with her, knowing the time would come when she would have to face the truth of her situation, he just hoped she would take the doctors up on the therapy they had recommended to help her get through it

"Camila... there's something else we need to talk about"

"No" she suddenly pulled away from his embrace, walking to the bed and sitting with her back to him

"Mila ignoring it won't make it go away"

"I said I don't want to talk about Shawn"

"Okay but when you're ready I'm here... anything you need from me, I'm not going anywhere" slowly he walked to the bed and then sat down "I know I'm not the babies father..."

"Don't say that word! I can't bare it! I can't bare to think about it let alone hear it!"

"I just want you to know that you're not alone"

"Without Jared I am alone though" her head dropped as the tears once again began to stream down her face "I've never felt more alone or more scared or more hopeless or useless"

"Camila!" Without thinking he reached for her hand but she didn't pull away, she just sat and wept "I know this seems bad, I know there's so much going on and so much to be decided and sorted out but the one thing that won't change, will never change is me and my feelings for you"

"Don't!" She warned, knowing she wasn't strong enough for the conversation Shawn wanted them to have

Two days ago, when she had thought things were as bad as they could get, as hopeless as anyone's life could ever be the doctor had made a discovery during his examination that had sent her entire world spiralling even further out of her control

She was pregnant

Pregnant with Jareds baby

Jared who was lying in a hospital bed in the same hospital preparing for surgery on the knife wounds he had suffered first as Sinu Cabello desperately fought for her child's life and then when he attempted to take his own life rather than face the police and the future he knew he now faced

"Whatever you need Camila I'm here"

"Will you do something for me please?"

"Anything, you know that"

"Will you take me home?"

"Are you sure that's where you want to be?! I mean I tried my best to tidy it but it's still..."

"I meant to my home"

"You're moms house?!"

Camila could only nod, up until that very moment she had intended to return to the house she had shared with Jared but now faced with actually putting one foot in front of the other and leaving the hospital she realised there was only one place she wanted to be and that was tucked up in her old bed, in her old bedroom and listening to her favourite old music knowing her mom and hopefully Shawn weren't too far away, she knew tomorrow would come and so would the questions and the decisions but for today she just wanted to be teenage Camila Cabello the girl she had been before Shawn had left and Jared had dismantled every part of her

                               The End