HOLD ON

Solace

As Jeongin finished the story he was telling the kids, he sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned back.

Lixie, their eldest was struggling to hold back her tears, but her eyes were red and tears threatened to spill.

“But, wait... dad”, she says, eyebrows furrowed. Jeongin hummed in response, still in his relaxed position.

“Wh- what happened to Bang Chan?”, she stuttered, lips quivering, anticipation setting in her as she waited for Jeongin's answer.

As he heard the girl ask about Chan, he sat up straight, muffling a laugh.

“Wh- what do you mean Lixie? He's in the garden with your daddy?”,  his face creased as he tried hard to hide his laughter.

“Eh?”, the seven-year old girl was dumbfounded. Her mouth flew open as she thought about her favorite uncle being the Bang Chan from her dad's story.

Tears swelled up in her eyes once more as she imagined the man filled with warmth going through all that. She quickly stood up and ran towards the kitchen, that held the door to their garden.

In the garden were her father Hyunjin, her uncles Binnie and Seungminnie, Minho-nyang and Sungie-nyang, and Chan.

She ran towards the group of men, crying. Hyunjin opened his arms for the girl, only to be ignored and instead the girl ran towards Chan.

Confused, the oldest held her in his arms and patter her head as he asked what was wrong, panicking.

“Lixie what's wrong?? Come on Lixie tell uncle Chan, please?”, he asked as he looked at her. She only cried more as he did so. Panicking once more he hugged her close, resting her face on his shoulders and swayed.

Jeongin then appeared from god knows where sighing and stood near his husband, comforting the dramatic man who was frozen in shock from being rejected by his own daughter.

Chan shot Jeongin a confused look, only to get a shrug in return.

The little girl gradually calmed down, just releasing little sniffs here and there.

Carefully, Chan made Lixie sit straight, drying her cheeks with his thumb and asking her quietly: “Aigoo what made our little Lixie cry?”

Lixie played with the hem of Chan's shirt.

“B-because-”, she asked, sniffling.

Chan hummed calmly, tucking the child's hair behind her ear.

“B-because Felix died and-and Uncle Channie ha-had to suffer!!”, she started crying again harder. Chan, now understanding the situation quickly hugged her and swayed back and forth.

“Awww so our little Lixie cried because of me? How cute~”, Chan airily giggled.

The little crying girl sniffled as she nodded, drying her tears with her sleeves.

“Ahh don't cry because of the past Lixie~ Look I'm okay now right? And Uncle Lix is in a better place now okay?~”

It was true, Chan had gotten better. It was a hard process,of course. The first few months being the hardest as everything reminded him of Felix. 

He felt depressed, and alone. Regret stuck with him, and every memory hurt him. Multiple times he had tried taking his own life as well, but he couldn't. It was as if every time he tried to, Felix's voice echoed in his brain, telling him not to. Every time he heard that voice, he immediately gave up trying to end his life.

But, one time as he tried to end himself, his friends stopped him, and it was at that moment that he realized; he wasn't the only one suffering, that everyone else suffered just as much as he did.