HOLD ON

epilogue

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T

he following has been inspired from a poem, "The morning after i killed myself" i found on youtube while streaming! It was so touching, I thought it'll be a good way to see Felix's pov ya know what I'm saying?

But, I changed a few things to match with the situation in the book, and added the other ships!

Enjoy,
Author orangieOrangie 🍊⛓️
(psst, take tissues)

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❝The morning after i killed myself,
I.. woke up❞

Felix went to their shared kitchen, and went through their groceries. Nothing much, just the things he'd bought the night before.

❝I made myself breakfast❞

He went and took the pan from the higher cabinet, settled it on the stove and switched it on, adding little oil to the pan. He went to the refridgerator, took out two eggs, and bacon.

He took cheese from somewhere on the counter, and butter from the same place. He took bread, and put them in the toaster.

When he deemed the oil hot enough, he cracked the eggs open, and fried them on the pan. He took the bacon and fried it along with the eggs. The aroma hit his nose.

He went ahead and made iced americano, putting it into his long cup, putting a metal straw in.

❝I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich❞

He took the americano, and drank it, the bitter taste being perfect, not that he would know. He paired that with the breakfast he'd made for himself. He ate quietly.

❝I scraped the ashes from the frying pan
and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes, and folded the towels❞

He did his everyday routine diligently, but not a single word leaving his mouth.

❝The morning after i killed myself I.. fell in love❞

Not with the boy he knew as Yeonjun who would help him occasionally from down the street, nor the girl called Yuna that once asked him to be a reference for her.

No, he fell in love with his friends. He fell in love with the way they re-read his text messages, and the way they comforted each other, though it was clear everyone suffered. He loved the way they tried to ignore their own sadness to make the rest feel at least better, but in the end showed their true feelings and comforted each other through empathy.

He watched Jisung curl up into Minho, and how Minho hugged him tight, crying on his lover's back. He looked at how Hyunjin went to Jeongin, their youngest whom they love so much, and who he felt sorry to for dragging him into the misunderstandings before he died. He saw how the taller boy dried Jeongin's tears, and pulled him into a warm hug.

He saw Changbin, who looked at his picture and cried with tissues in his hand and many more on the floor. He saw how he glanced at Seungmin, who was struggling to hold back tears, trying to seem strong, but he wasn't. He saw, how Changbin went and pulled Seungmin onto him, and made him nuzzle into his shoulder so he could cry on it, and told him sweet comforting words, about how he, and the rest were there for him to lean on, and not to keep everything to himself, and how everyone, even the strongest ones, have their breaking points.

He fell more in love with Chan.

He fell in love with the way he hugged the blankets that held his scent, and the way he talked to the air as if it was him, Felix. He fell in love with the way he stared at and treasured everything that once belonged to him, keeping them close to him just to feel as if Felix was still with him.

But... he wasn't.

He fell in love with the boy, [insert kingdom little kid's name] who he called his brother, not blood-wise, but as a close friend. The boy who once believed he would become a dragon, but sat behind a desk at school.

❝He desperately tried to convince himself, I still existed. Sadly...❞

❝The morning after i killed myself i walked the dog❞

He watched as Berry wagged her tail, and her ears flapped as she walked, and her smooth fur, he watched how Berry's pace quickened at the mere sight of Dori.

He watched the empty look in her eyes, when she picked up the frisbee and turned around so Felix would throw it for him, but in his place saw nothing, but air.

He stood by pathetically, unable to do anything, as passer-bys petted her, and stroked her muzzle. He watched as she melted into their touch, like she would for him.

❝The morning after i killed myself..❞

He went to his old home, where he grew up and spent his childhood in, only to be kicked out by his own parents who once cherished him like a gem, when they found out he liked boys.

He checked the bark of the tree that had been there since forever, and saw the doodles he made on it when he was but a mere little innocent boy, who still had such a big world to welcome, and sadness and pain didn't exist in his dictionary.

He went, and saw how the fence he had once painted with his parents, with bright paints and bright smiles on their face, was now a dull color. He saw through the window how the person he once called his mother found the news about his death, and a single tear rolled down her cheeks.

He saw how her new husband put out his cigarette, and gave her her daily medications, and went out right after to mingle with random women.

He picked the daisies in the garden, and pulled a few weeds. In the garden where the sun shone on him, he looked like an angel.

❝The morning... after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up❞

He looked at the little flowers, that would later become fruits, and be judged to be sold by the owners, judging every part of it with careful eyes. He saw how a little kid, with his mother's hand in his, pointed to a cloud that looked like a something in his eyes.

❝The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue, and tried to talk some sense into him. I told him about everything he was missing, from his friends to his lover, to his dog. To the trees that bore fruit, and brother he left traumatised. It hurted, like hell❞

❝The morning after i killed myself...

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I tried to un-kill myself,

as i couldnt finish what i had started❞