FROM THE START

6: I Thought Different

: Lydia Byra Distill :

"Girl I knew he tongue fucked you. I knew it." Leona came in my room all loud and accusing.

"Slow the hell down." I sat up on my bed as she sat her purse on my vanity and sat at the chair.

"Bitch. Jasper came to pick me up from work. And before he dropped me off here, we chilled in his car. Tabby was there, he was asking about you and what not. But bitch, he kept rubbing his chin and feeling around his mouth area."

"And Jasper would laugh sometimes when he caught him. And I'm really wondering. So Jasper said something and I instantly knew, "you acting like this now, wait till it's yo dick." Bro, I was like "you can drop me off now." Because I needed to confront you." Her fast talking ass was down before I knew it.

"So why didn't you tell me bitch?" She mugged. "I did tell you." I smiled.

"You was like, "we did something but not anything big." I thought y'all made out." She called me out.

"But bitch I ain't mad. How was it?" She asked and all I could do was shake my head causing her to smile. "Aw he got my bitch right, period."

"It was so good, it just spoke to me. His dick was hard so I let him have a taste. He did and said all the right things. He hit right at my soul." l put it into words.

"Girl you hypnotized purely off head and so is he. Y'all in love." She clapped making me frown.

"Love is a strong word. I really like him. I like like him."

"It's more than a like like, more than a love. Bitch you need to make him yours, and never give him up." She remixed Mindless Behavior.

"He already had me calling him My Zaddy. I don't want him to think he got me obsessed. That's why I'm trying to slow it down." I explained.

"That make sense. However, if y'all both the same amount of obsessed." She titled her head, goofily cheesing. I thought about it.

Her phone rung and she answered. "Jasper what you want?"

"Damn baby girl I'm chitlin, I just wanted ta speak ta ya." He sounded came for, making me laugh. They went on with they conversation and I got on my phone.

"It's like the pussy had me in lala land." I heard Tabby voice in the background making my interest peak.

"What Tabby chatting 'bout." I already had a feeling so it was less of a question. "He high and just saying shit." Jasper waved his words off.

I watched the phone as Tabby took it out his hand, he put his face close to the screen and looked at the camera. "Where Lydia?"

I grabbed the phone and checked myself out in the camera. "You wanna come to my house tonight?" I asked. He nodded and my feet started swinging.

: Later in The Day :

Tabby walked in my room behind me, he shut the door and twisted the lock. He started to take off his shirt and I shook my head.

He was high out of his mind. Jasper said he ate a few edibles not thinking they'd kick in as hard as they did.

He put his hands on my hips and started to slowly kiss me. I sat on the bed and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Baby can we talk?" I said into the kiss.

"Mmm." He nodded and we separated. He sat on the bed and pulled me on his lap. "Talk." He said as he kissed my neck.

"What are we?" I just had to know. He stopped kissing me and leaned back on his elbows, moving his legs unintentionally rocking me side to side.

"I mean like, what do you want to be?" I rephrased and he shrugged. "Because I wanna be more than friends." I got off my chest.

"You talking friends with benefits...? 'Cause I'm with that shit." He smiled cutely. I shook my head.

"Beyond that." I titled my head. He looked straight ahead than glanced at me. "Ly...." I had a feeling I was going to be let down.

"Let me put it like this," he started talking with his hand. "I ain't never had no serious girl. But every time I had a little fling or anything, I'd fuck up somehow." He started to explain.

"It ranges from me not showing interest, to me tryna change myself for them. It be going bad, ion want that to happen to us. All in all, ion know how to be no boyfriend." He finished.

"Oh, that make sense." I starched the side of my cheek. He glanced at me and I felt a pit in my stomach. It almost like I just got rejected.

"Don't take it personally. I like you a lot. I just need to work on myself before getting in any relationship. I definitely don't wanna get with you and it seem like I'm being distant or different. I just got a weird way of trying to figure out things." He tried to explain more.

"And plus, I feel like we should be friends before jumping into something. To...you know, build us up."

I couldn't look at him. He touched my chin, "say something." He demanded. My throat felt almost shaky.

"Um...why did you say you like me?" I questioned, "because I do, I wouldn't lie." He sallowed.

"But why did you tell me? You continuing to tell me made me think, you wanted something between us." I was having a hard time understanding this sudden change.

"I do...not now but maybe in the future." He tried to give me hope. I nodded. "Words Lydia." He breathed from his nose.

"Ion got nun to say." I wanted to cry. I'm so sensitive when it comes to mixed sayings and actions. When it suddenly doesn't add up it feels like I did some wrong.

"But you have feelings that you need to express to me." He claimed. I shook my head, "nah...ion think much of what you saying. I guess I get where you coming from...."

"You definitely got more to say. Keep going."

"However, I've never been in a relationship either. And given that, I wouldn't just tell someone I like them unless I want to get close to them." I almost mugged.

"Come on now...Im tryna see it on yo level but, you knew what you was doing. I knew how much I liked you. But..if that's how you feel, I'll move on." I wish I didn't care.

"Lydia I still wanna keep what we got going." He quickly made clear. "I like what we got going on. It make me feel good to have a spot in yo life. It's you I want, I just need enough time so I can continue to be the one you want." He sighed.

Everything seemed so stressed and tense. I got up from his lap and sat at my chair.

"I understand if you want me to go..." He sat up. I debated it. "Um you can stay." My hands were shaky.

"Alright let's watch a movie or some." So that's what we did. After a few hours he left. I started crying as soon as he left. He texted my phone a few times throughout the night but I didn't respond.

"And Scene"

A/N: i stated school but um i hate it here <3 :).
however i don't want a crush anymore... 'cause i'm scared of this shit happening to me. i would hate to get rejected after getting led on 😭, we'd have to fight.