one shot collection

teenage freak show (in the end i'll let you down)

punznap

mentions of drug use

made this as a distraction and now it's six am

"can i stay here tonight? with you?"

his voice is weak, timid. punz could never say no to that.

"of course you can," he replies, "do you want me to go get the mattress for you?"
"no, no- i just- i just wanna sleep next to you."

sapnap sinks further into his grip. his face is practically buried in punz's chest, legs draped over his lap. the position is a little awkward, but as long as the tired boy is comfortable...

"can i do that? please?" he asks.
"sure," punz chuckles, "as long as you don't start kicking me again like last time."
"'s okay, i won't, i'll be out like a light."

he yawns after that sentence, as if to prove his point. his hair is a tangled, greasy mess, but punz runs his fingers through the locks anyway. he knows that sapnap loves when he does it. and even though he didn't need more confirmation, he gets it when the younger hums in satisfaction, purrs almost like a cat.

shivers rush through his body, punz can feel them vibrate through the arm that's wrapped around his back. every touch feels to sapnap like warm waves washing ashore, like a million tingles and even more. punz knows exactly how it is.

"did you have fun tonight at least?"
"i always have fun," sapnap huffs.

his speech is a little slurred, a little slow. when punz pulls him closer the words dissipate and turn into nothing short of incoherent mumbles. his arms move to hold the blond boy too, and then they both fall back against the headboard, snuggled up like they have been so many other nights prior to this one.

sapnap sighs contently, for there's no place in the world quite like this, right next to punz. he's so warm, so gentle with sapnap's sensitive body, and sometimes he can even hear his heart beating steadily in his chest, his slow breaths tickling against the top of his head.

everything is wonderful, the universe is wonderful, punz is heaven. he's in heaven.

"i love you," he whispers. he means it.
"i love you too," punz tells him back, as mindlessly as usual.

but sapnap wrinkles his nose at the cold tone. it's clealy not what he was seeking.

"no, like, i love you," he tries, "i love you for real. a lot. you make me so happy."

he looks up at punz expectantly, curious to see his reaction. but his best friend still doesn't seem to understand.

"i love you punz! i'm in love with you! i'm serious, fuck.."

punz's expression is a troubled one. his heart skips a beat, even though he wishes it didn't. he wishes he didn't have to get those butterflies when pretty hazel eyes gleefully stare at him, but it's unavoidable.

"i think i'm so in love with you, and everything you do, and i just wanna kiss you," sapnap babbles.

it's bittersweet. punz sighs.

"come back to me when you're sober."

he has to be blunt.

"but i mean it-"
"not now. you're not thinking straight."

he brushes a strand of hair away from sapnap's face. he's so adorable. it hurts.

"i really mean it, i've felt like this since forever, i really have!"
"i'm sorry but, not now," punz repeats, "i can't do this right now. please."

his eyes gaze into sapnap's blurry ones with a certain sternness to them. they're sky blue, ice cold, and he doesn't know if they'll make the situation even worse.

he carefully cups sapnap's cheeks with his hands, just so he can maintain eye contact. and maybe for other reasons too. so he can feel warm skin and scruffs of beard brush against his palms.

"we'll talk more later, okay?" he speaks, voice softer than ever before, "i promise you that."
"okay.." sapnap pouts back.

they fall into a haunting silence. sapnap relaxes again, lets his head fall back onto punz's chest. there he's content, just listening to the rhythmical thumping of his heart. punz wishes he could feel the same. that he could just float away too.

life seems so easy when you're sapnap. young, naive, high as a kite all day long. it's a shame that punz only trusts sober words, coming from a sober mind. sapnap is never sober anymore.

"i'm sorry," the younger sniffles after a while.
"about what?"
"i-i'm sorry that i'm so annoying."

punz only realizes that he's crying when a wet spot forms on his t-shirt.

"hey, you're not annoying, it's alright," he reassures him.
"i was just- just rambling about that shit, god, i'm s-so sorry, i made you uncomfortable-"
"no you didn't, it's okay, you're okay..."

he buries his face in fluffy hair, petting it lovingly. his other hand strokes sapnap's back in an attempt to calm him down.

"you're just a little mushy right now, it's fine. i'm here. and you're allowed to cry if you want. i'm not judging you. you're safe here with me."

everything to make his sunshine feel better.

sapnap shudders, weak and vulnerable. his nose is stuffy and his eyes burn from the tears. he feels pathetic. he's always such a burden. how does punz even have the energy to deal with his bullshit?

"i'm sorry i'm like this," he blurts out, "d-do you still love me?"

he sounds so small and scared when he asks that. it breaks punz completely. his chest stings as he replies.

"of course i still love you pandas, i love you so much," he coos, "and nothing will change that."
"promise?"

sapnap peers at him with glazed eyes. so innocent, so lost.

"i promise. you should get some rest now, and then we'll talk more tomorrow. is that okay?"
"mhm.."
"good."

punz helps him get comfortable in bed before crawling in under the sheets himself. sapnap shuffles towards him straight away, craving that endearing warmth and the feeling that only punz could give him. it's yet another high he chases, stronger than anything else.

when safe arms bring him in he feels complete. it doesn't matter that punz said tomorrow. punz always needs to be so rational. sapnap doesn't understand it. he just lives for the day. and today he loves punz more than anything in the entire world.

he tells him that one last time before he drifts off. just so he knows for sure.