Author's note: I feel like the title of the story sounded really immature and naive so i changed it. I HOPE THIS IS BETTER .
Elena's pov:
It was a good day today.. I was thinking about going to Caroline's today but first I wanted to go the park stefan and I used to go to.. Stefan.. When I think of him my heart clenches because I hate myself for being the reason for even a bit of his sadness. I lost him because I was so naive, so shallow.. But he never once blamed me for it.. He blamed himself.. How can a person have such a good but such a self destructive heart? He's losing himself in all the pain he carries within. His brother left a few months ago and he grew quieter, if that was possible, and not just that- i saw him smoking on the street the other day, with nate.. Everyone knows how he's reputed.. It broke me to see stefan going on such a self destructive pattern and I couldn't even say anything or stop him because I have no right. I lost the right the day I insulted him in front of everyone. I see him come to school and over the past year he's grown so tall.. But he's hunched over.. He's built nicely but I know he doesn't eat much so even though he has broad shoulders, he looks thin.. He still has those emerald green eyes I could stare at for hours , but now he has dark circles under them which tell me he still has nightmares.. I keep looking at him between classes to see if he's alright.. And well, for other reasons.. Caroline teases me playfully all the time for "drooling all over him" And I shrug it off but I can't help the way it makes my heart dance.. I just want him to be happy.. I really hope that's the only time he was smoking and has not grown to have an addiction. My father, who is a doctor, keeps telling me how tobacco ruins a person's body and sucks the life out of them.. And how it's so easy to get addicted to.. God I hope he doesn't drink too- no God no- why'd he do that.. He's 15.. I shake off the thoughts that cause me to think of the worst possibilities and the worst outcomes.. I want to grow up to be a doctor too.. And I know how things end up for people who get addicted to liquor and tobacco.. How it affects the liver and lungs.. Father literally told me horror stories about that.. I was just close to the park when it started raining and I stood under a tree to wait for it to stop, but it wasn't stopping so I thought, fuck that, I'll go anyways.. And as soon as I stepped in the rain I'm reminded of stefan again..
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"Come on!! " He said, totally wet now. "No- stefan just come under the umbrella-" He snatched the umbrella out of my hand and threw it away, with a huge playful grin on his face. The street was empty, the rain was literally pouring and this idiot right here was more interested in drenching himself. How poetic, well what can I say? That's stefan. The poet. He's got a gift, really. "Miss Gilbert, would you give me the honour? " He bowed a little and extended his hand, like a perfect gentlemen. "Fuck it! " I said and took his hand as he puts one on my waist and swirls me around. " You are very indecent miss Gilbert. " He said with a mock disappointed expression. "That I am Mr Salvatore! What are you going to do? Woo another lady, leave me all alone? " I said with a mock pout. I knew he won't ever leave me alone.. "Oh miss Gilbert there's no lady such as you, any man would be a fool to leave you all alone for another" he said as he lowered my body backwards , with one hand on my back and the other on my thigh, and mine on his back, the other on the hand he had set on my thigh.. The heat I felt even though the water raining on us was cool.. It was just explainable.. Magical.. We spend the evening dancing around and had to run away when we saw an old man come there because it would be "veryyyy indecent for a boy and girl to be dancing like this" So close, so wet, so intimate.. We ran away giggling and laughing for hours, getting lost in each other's eyes, the sound of his laughter was music to my ears.. I could not have enough of it.
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God I wish I could've savored the sound of his voice, his laugh enough.. Little did I know I'd be starving from the pleasure of having the opportunity to hear him giggle, to mock society, to have him grab my waist, put my body close to his.. God we were such kids.. Or were we..? Where did that love go away?? Actually.. It didn't.. It's still in there.. We've just kept in hidden all too well.. I am walking in the rain, tears threatening to come out as I reach the park.. I smile at the sight of it.. All of a sudden I see a figure laying down on the bench.. He seems awfully quietly immobile.. There's this energy in the surroundings that makes the whole scene so.. Weird.. So gory? I go closer to him and I see that he saw me coming and tried to run away but didn't or couldn't? I go closer to him and my heart drops- " STEFAN?! " he looks so pale and weak.. Tired.. He looks like he has been crying and his eyes are puffy.. They're drooping due to exhaustion and I see a knife on the ground and that's when I see- oh my god- there's blood- oh my god there's so much blood- I grab his hand and tear my dress to wrap it around to stop the bleeding- he did this to himself- no he- he can't- the boy who used to sing and dance with me can't do this- how did we push him so far over the edge- God this can't be real- the rain starts to end and I know he recognises me but is unable to move away.. "elena.. " He finally somehow gathers the strength to say.. He has lost so much blood my heart is pounding in my chest- no I can't do this- I can't let him die- HE CAN'T DO THIS! HE CAN'T LEAVE ME! NO- THIS JUST- I CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN- I start trying to get him up to take him to my house. Father will help him. But he doesn't make a move.. Not because he can't.. He actually can't.. But he's not moving because he's trying to stay put. To make himself bleed enough to the point where he can actually- no. I don't care if he hates me for it. I have to take him home.. I don't know how much time he has left.. Father has to take care of him.. He looks so pale- his eyes are closing and his breaths are shallow.. His chest is rising up and going down so slowly that I feel like my heart's going to explode.. I won't be able to live with myself if anything happens to him.. I can't live without him. I know we haven't exactly been together, friends, not even acquaintances for quite a while but even just looking at him gave me some amount of peace.. Some amount of reassurance.. He pushed me away when I tried to sort things out between us because he thought all he could do was ruin my life.. Oh how wrong he was- there's this guilt he carries inside of him. For everything. I always used to tell him it would one day eat him up and that he should live his life.. And I know he tried to.. He tried to be lively, he tried to have fun but nobody let him. There was one thing or another ready to tear him apart, not giving him a moment of peace, of happiness.. This sadness, this hopelessness inside of him got to him.. How did I not see it? Him not speaking a word, sitting alone all the time. Smoking- GOD SMOKING. He once told me how much he hates people who smoked.. this was a cry for help and I was so happy in my perfect little life that I chose to ignore all of it. He told me how much he loved his brother and how he was the only one to ever have cared for him.. And after he left he stefan was clearly crushed.. Broken.. That was his last straw and he must have snapped. But no- he's strong, I know that much.. Something must have happened.. All the worst possibilities come to my mind- did damon die in war- no god forbid no- I internally pray for him to be alright too because if something was to happen to him stefan would absolutely lose his mind.. What happened?! There is no time to think about all this.. I need to get stefan to my house.. Father would know exactly what to do and he would save him.. Yes.. Everything will be alright.. But God even though he is thin, he's almost a feet taller than me and I'm trying so hard but I can't lift him up- I'm losing so much time- his hand keeps bleeding even though I've torn and tied my skirt's fabric tightly around his slit wrists.. He keeps looking at me as if trying to ask me to leave him alone with his eyes because he can't speak right now. I'm trying to get him up but that isn't even working a bit as he himself is trying to stay there and creating more difficulties for me so that he won't have to face the life he finds so utterly cruel. He's just a boy- God how could anyone let him get so so ruined.. All we did was watch- if not break him even more.. All he did was try his best.. When I take a look at him I realise his face is bruised, lip busted and blood seeping down till his neck from his head, now clearly not being washed away by rain.. His white shirt has shoe marks all over it and the back of it is red with blood.. As if losing blood through his cut slits wasn't doing enough good for him.. This can't be his father? Can it? I saw him bruised and hurt all the time but will he be actually this cruel with his own son? For what? Just because his birth caused the death of his wife? As if he wanted to be born that way? Isn't it petty and selfish enough that he neglects every good thing stefan does and criticize and bring him down all the damn time?
His pale face looks utterly broken and I start calling for help.. It comes out all shaky but I pray to God for someone to be there but the streets look so empty.. "Stefan please hold on- please don't leave me- I can't live without you PLEASE- HELP?! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME?! " He shakes his head a little, as if trying to stop ne from doing this, "n-no.. Please.. Leave.. Me.. am sor-" He trails off, unconscious.. Oh my god no- this can't be happening.. I start calling for help again, trying to move him- Doing everything- I can't keep calm anymore. My hands are shaking and I'm crying hysterically- nothing will happen to him- he will be alright. HE HAS GOT TO BE ALRIGHT!! All of a sudden a man comes in and I recognise him. He's nate. "STEFAN?! OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM- " he screams when he sees him unconscious, barely hanging on to life, soaked in water and blood, a wailing girl kneeling next to him, begging for help. " PLEASE HELP ME TAKE HIM HOME- HE NEEDS TO- FATHER WILL HELP-" I'm barely forming sentences but he understands all of it and doesn't delay in picking up Stefan in his arms and running right away to our house. I can't help but think about all the ways this could go wrong- I can't help but be pessimistic right now- How did the little boy who used to bring me chocolates from the money he saved, because my father won't let me eat a lot of them because 'they'll ruin my teeth', become this pale barely breathing boy lying in a person's arms who is a complete stranger to me, but somehow familial to him. Nate looks so worried it actually reminds me of the time Stefan passed out while running at school and damon carried him to the dispensary .. He was so weak.. But no- he's not weak- he's nowhere near weak- he's the strongest person I know. I know for a fact that if I was going through even a fraction of what he has seen in his mere fifteen years of life, I wouldn't have survived. But he has, and he will. He'll survive for him. I can't let him go- I love him- heck I've always loved him. Maybe I didn't know it but I did. I loved him even when I was mad at him for laughing at my pigtails, even when I would see him not standing up for himself, even when he used to take my pencil sana d used to hold it high enough for me to not get it. I loved him through all of it and I'll love him no matter what. And he's not going to leave me. He promised me he won't ever leave me. He never breaks promises. He won't- but when I look at him lying helplessly in Nate's arms I can't help but doubt. My heart beat is racing and I touch his hand just to see that it's frighteningly cold. Nate glances at me worriedly as we reach our doorstep. I only hope for him to be alright because I can't bear the thought of losing him forever.
Author's note: ok this made me shed a tear while writing not even gonna lie🥺 also not me saying that I'll not be regular and updating after mere hours😀✋🏻, still there's ablot of school stuff I have to do rn and can't promise being regular at all :'( there will be some stelena moments in the next chapter too and I'll just leave it at that. I tried to portray how elena was trying hard to be calm and composed to help Stefan really fast but then she eventually started panicking because she's only human.. Stefan doesn't want to be saved because, well he thinks the world would be better with him gone. Nate comes to the rescue! Who thought he'd be a good character, it wasn't even my original plan lmao .... I hope y'all liked this and I hope you have a great day. I'd also like to just mention this: if you ever think there's no one who cares for you, you're wrong, you mean a lot and never ever think that you're worthless or undeserving of something. You deserve to be loved and you are loved. Hang on to that and live your life to the fullest.
