Of Gifts And Courting (Tomboo)

absence of connection

Tommy growled frustratedly, hands clawed at his sheets and pillows rearranging them for the thousandth time. darkness engulfed his little dirt hut, with no windows the only source of light was what little seeped in through the door in the front.

He chittered anxiously, claws digging into one of his flimsy pillows. His nest was supposed to make him feel safe, why wasn't it making him feel safe?
His throat closed up and he was actually thankful for the lack of company so no one could watch and laugh while he burst into tears like a pathetic fucking baby

He rubbed at his eyes, trying to stop crying. he swallowed down his sobs, chest heaving. He felt like he was choking on his own distress. Eventually his cries died down to sniffles and shaky breaths. His limbs were heavy and he felt cold and so alone. The type of lonely that made you feel utterly forsaken. this feeling hadn't left him since exile and it was a horrible thing, to be surrounded by people and still feel so alone.. it wasn't right! There should be people here. Nests are made for family, for the people he loved, for the people who loved him, why was he alone?? He felt more tears fall down his face but luckily he was to tired to delve into another break down so he just laid there. Feeling for all the world like he was floating from his own body, brain fuzzy with an awful numbness.

Tubbo entered his mind, bringing him back to himself as he remembered when they would lay together when the other couldn't sleep. Being together, knowing the other was safe always made everything feel okay. He pushed the thought out of his head, things where different now. Tubbo didn't need him, not like tommy needed him. He had other people to care for now, a family. Tommy just wished he could be apart of it..
sure tubbo wouldn't turn him away but there's a difference between what he can have and what he deserved and tommy didn't deserve them.

He heaved a shakey sigh and curled up, ignoring his discomfort with his nest. He wasn't going to fix this feeling he was alone and that wasn't changing anytime soon. He just had to suck it up, He had stuff to do tomorrow after all.  He eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep.