Of Gifts And Courting (Tomboo)

a change of perspective

Tw: drug use, self harm, mentions of death/limbo, self deprecating thoughts, auditory and visual hallucinations.

this is set at a sorta prequel to the last chapter in Wilbur's perspective of what he's got going on before bench trio wakes up and tubbo goes to work in the morning))

It was nighttime on the server and Wilbur soot stood in front of an empty ranburger van with a lit cigarette in his hands.

He inhaled the smoke.

Wilbur soot was a complicated man, most would say.

Wilbur himself, would say that he was pathetic.

He was a prideful, pathetic coward of a man. Who was desperately clinging to what he knows hoping it will keep him safe, hoping it will take the cold from his bones and make him feel alive.

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different to happen.

As he stared up blankly at a burger van owned by a young man who trusted Wilbur much more then he deserves, He wonders if he should be put away.

He exhaled the smoke and laughs. He laughs and laughs. But it wasn't funny.

He stares at the cigarette in his hands and relishes in the mental image of tar invading his lungs, slowly killing him.

The cold fear of death shoots through his spine and he swears he can hear the rumble of a train track. so sure he can feel the ground shake beneath him, and the horn blares, deafening and horrible and inescapable-

A sharp pain brings him back to the world of the living. He looks down, at the cigarette he has pressed into his skin. He drops it onto the ground with shaking hands and he laughs, he laughs and laughs until he's knelt on the ground clutching his stomach. He laughs so hard he cries, and when he stops laughing he keeps crying. He cries so hard he feels lightheaded, he cries so hard sobs and gags.

He doesnt remember what happens after that.

The world around him is blurry and wrong and he can't hear anything above the deafening rumble of the train tracks.

a voice pierces through the fog, telling him firmly that "that's enough." a hand grabs his and takes the lighter from his hands- when had he grabbed it again?

He is grabbed by the hand that isn't raw from fresh burns, it hurts all the same.

He's being lead through a city with far to many lights. He says things, he doesn't remember what he said. Probably rotten words spilling from a rotten brain. He laughs again and apologizes though he doesn't know what for exactly.

The voice doesn't respond.

He's lead into a building, then onto a bed. He makes some crude joke about wanting to be taken out to dinner first before before anything.

The voice scoffs and tells him to shut up. Footsteps leave the room and Wilbur wonders if that's the end of it. His eyes wonder around the room but it's like his brain refuses to process anything useful.

He grins as he wonders the limits of this strangers kindness. He wonders if he'll hurt him if he breaks something and he laughs again at the thought.

Before he can act on it though footsteps come back. They ask him what's so funny and he doesn't respond.

The voice doesnt insist on him answering they just come closer and grab his hand.

They grab him so gently and Wilbur feels like throwing up again. A napkin is put in front of his face and he realizes that he's crying.