𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓 & 𝒔𝒂𝒍𝒕 ⇁𝒔.𝒓𝒆𝒊𝒅

nineteen: make sure she's okay

Please read the author's note at the end. :)

Sabrina Woods

It felt like my body was on fire as I climbed into the passenger seat of the large SUV.

My damp hands ran over my pants as I tried to wipe them off in a single, nonchalant movement and pulled the seatbelt across my chest. I struggled for a moment to push the buckle into the lock, furrowing my eyebrows in frustration as I stared at it and finally pushed it through.

"You okay?" Dave asked from the driver's seat. I jumped a little at the sound of his voice, my heart rapping against my ribcage like it was about to explode in my chest. I wondered if he could hear it.

"Oh, yeah," I said with a small smile. "Just nervous."

He nodded and put the car in reverse, pulling out of my driveway.

"I think we're all a bit on edge. Whatever happens though, the kid will be alright." he said. The tone of his voice sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me, but I didn't mention it. I nodded silently, leaning back into the leather seat.

My hands were folded in my lap, and I couldn't help the incessant shaking that rang through to my fingertips, or the bounce of my right leg against the floor. I was incredibly nervous about Spencer's hearing, but I knew that wasn't why my body was screaming at me.

It felt like we drove forever. I couldn't think one thing at a time, and I was trying so hard to keep my shit together next to a professional body language reader. I closed my eyes in hopes of ridding the nausea building up in my stomach, and wrapped my arms around myself to better hide the shake in my hands. If Dave noticed, he didn't make it known to me.

What if Spencer really went to prison?

What if Nix finds out I actually did need the coke? I don't want to tell him I already used it all, and am withdrawing from it.

What if Hallie notices my strange behavior?

Was I acting strange?

What if Mags finds out I was doing coke again?

What if Spencer finds out? Would he hate me forever?

What if Michelle finds out? Would she take Hallie?

Should she?

Am I a terrible mother?

Am I considered a current drug addict? What if I just didn't do it again?

Do I have to go into a twelve step program? Rehab?

"Oh god." I grumbled quietly to myself, squeezing my stomach. I felt like I was going to hurl.

I could see Dave eyeing me slightly from the corner of his eyes, and I debated whether or not I was really going to make him pull the car over to let me out.

Before I could even ask him, we pulled into a parking lot, and I saw the courthouse come into view. I was stepping out of the car already by the time he put it in park, and put my hands on my knees in anticipation. I tried to breathe slowly, hearing the pump of my blood in my ears along with the constant ringing. Dave was next to me then, placing a comforting hand on my back.

"He'll be okay, Sabrina." But would I be?

I nodded and took another deep breath, standing upright. I swallowed the bile that threatened its way back up my throat and followed behind Dave into the courthouse.