𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓 & 𝒔𝒂𝒍𝒕 ⇁𝒔.𝒓𝒆𝒊𝒅

twenty one: does this change things?

Sabrina Woods

My short heels clicked against the white flooring as I passed the many uniformed men and women. I kept my eyes focused on the man ahead of me, my stomach clenching and twisting as the familiar chestnut eyes of Spencer Reid met my own. As I tried to settle the ever-growing knot in my chest, I focused on those eyes of his, remembering the warmth they usually brought me. Those eyes were the hue of every tree in the forest from the early light to the sunset, made all the richer by the golden light.

I almost smiled to myself as I thought of it, wondering how long I could think of him in this way before it all collapsed around us when he figured out what I'd been doing since his arrest.

I reached the awaiting visitation area, pulling the chair out from the small square shaped table. I was too nervous to say anything, and found myself chewing on the inside of my lip as I tapped my fingers anxiously against the smooth top.

"You don't look like JJ." Spencer finally said, his eyes roaming over my imposterous costume.

I cleared my throat, letting my grip tighten into my jeans. "Yeah, I don't think i'll be going blonde anytime soon. I don't think i'm pulling it off very well." My eyes darted all over the place as I lamely tried to make a joke. "Uh... it was the only thing I could think of to see you." I replied.

I subconsciously adjusted the blazer that hung around my shoulders. My head was itching from the blonde wig that sat atop my scalp, and I snuck a finger under the cap to scratch the spot quickly. Dressing up as JJ meant dressing like I was headed to a forma funeral.

Spencer's blank expression was unsettling, and I took note of the pale hue to his skin, feeling my stomach plummet. He continued to analyze my lame attempt at dressing up as JJ, and his lips slowly turned upwards in amusement.

"Hallie drew this for you." I said, trying to clear the tension that continued to build around us.

He smiled a little, his finger tracing over the drawing of himself and me holding Hallie's hand. His eyes flicked back up to me, and suddenly I felt my nerves rise all over again.

"Someone broke in a few days ago." I said, desperately trying to keep the attention off of myself. "We're okay though, Hallie is okay."

Spencer nodded as if he'd already known.

"The real JJ told me." he snickered a bit. I found myself relaxing a bit hearing his playful remark, and nodded too.

"How'd you get in?" he asked me after a moment of silence.

I shifted uncomfortably and laughed nervously, thinking of the hoops I jumped through to swipe JJ's badge.

"Doesn't matter," I said with a shake of my head. "Why you excluded my name from the list of visitors allowed to see you, is a more important question?"

Spencer sighed, running a hand over his face. "I don't want you to see me in here like this... this isn't who I am."

"You don't think I know that?" I asked quickly in a hushed tone, my eyes searching his frantically.

He didn't reply. Instead, he stared at me, his eyes analyzing my face. I felt my heartbeat start to pick up, hoping i'd used enough makeup to cover the utter exhaustion and drug abuse riddled on my features.