LOST IN LUST 18+

2

Chapter 2:The life tragedy
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You are maybe thinking why I am alone still this old age. It is not like the people says, I didn't find a perfect match for that's why? No... My case is totally different. Noone finds me perfect. I don't have any sex partner either.

I have a sexual disease. I don't know from where but I had it. And it's treatment took long, sometimes it never end. It ends with our life's.

I was only 15 years old when I saw the symptoms of this. My vargina start itching. I never thought from this small thing, my life can be distroyed. My mom is never much aware of medication. She never thought in her dream the ignorance can harm this much. If she knew, she would have never do such mistakes. She loves me, so am I. Parents love there children it is normal. I was so shy to talk about it. I also start ignoring the matter that this Can even cause my life. When it itches, I used to pour warm water and it feels good but only for some times. After some while of this, one day I feel, there is a hole in there. It start infection but still my mom says it is nothing just continue using it. Actually my mom became so old, i born at there old age, so as my brother. My parents children doesn't survive.

After a year I start the disease start working, not like hiding. Now it start processing to the main course.

We went to doctor and it was really too late. It was came to state of cancer. And the doctor told us clearly I can not do any sexual activity with anyone. The disease will transmitted them if I did.

I was broken. I start crying. I can have Noone as my partner. I share my sorrow with my best friend only but it announce to the whole school even in city. I don't know how?

After that people start looking at me like I have STD /AIDS.They start gossiping that I slept with so many men that is how I got the sexual transmitted disease. But still now I was untouched by any men.

I don't have that and never in my school life anyone came across to be friends with me. Let alone male friends. I really try to hide.

I try to fall in love with anyone. But noone in my school come with a relationship with me, who want an disease in return of love and I am the only women in world . But at my age girls used to lost there virginity. They can find far better then mine.

From that age no men shows interest in me. Why would they if I can not be...........

In my colony every one know about me.

I don't know why God give me this but I start understanding crual reality of life. I will have Noone by my side ever. My mom used to cry for Mr, cursed me and complain to God why he give me such disease. But it was happend and nothing can do now.

I start accepting it. Really noone by my side. It will be easy. No tension about bring up children or worry about husband.

But when I step into the life, I realize this family is life. I understand, it was never easy to live alone. Never!
You can imagine things easy but it is always hard. Hard to accept the loneliness. The loneliness is hurtful. You will understand it when you will be alone and noone by your side. It can feel great for one or two days but you will start craving for people after that. A men's touch, love care..

After some time I also start crying and after some years tear dried.

Now I don't cry. Just me and myself is here. I am looking after my ownself bringing up to die alone.

It would be more difficult if I didn't get a job but God has plans. I got a job to survive my lonely life with work and earning money. My job give me everything, I can live by it only. My medicine, food, clothes etc. And aas like this life runs and so as I. It is really hard to not feel lonely, people around make me feel more lonely always. They have everything, everyone but what I have?

I saw people with there kids, husband, with family. In my age I would have maybe born child, bringing them up, doing house hold work and one day for park walk or family holiday. My children would have get married, a men by my side. But I have nothing.
It is not in my luck. I have to bring up my own self to neverose hope never lose the battle of life. I was my only motivation. Noone is here to look after me, when I become sick, noone was there. Crawling on my own and running to the office with illness. No one's bother to stop me or to tell me 'rest today. I am here.'

People tells the truth, there will be so many people who share your happiness but noone share your sorrow or tear. In here I don't have anyone to share my happiness either.

Being a brother, he never bothered to talk to me. Every one think that I will die soon but still running in the life race. I don't know how I can run!
When I saw kids with there family it took me all not to cry. You can call me a jealous women. Call me that, I don't care.

Some people don't want any commitment in there life but they don't know how lucky they are! Some people curve for comitment. Some people can die for a men beside her to give her courage. I saw so many people calling me by mean names.

I cry hard when I was only 20years old and I hide my disease to a men whom I used to date. I started falling for him. He called me Untouched burden. I clearly remember he said with a sadistic smile on his face "Eleana, you said you are virgin. I attacked me most because you are untouched and I want a girl like that. You are not so ugly too. You didn't tell me that you have sexual disease!"

I try to hide from his question. He continues "you are like a fruit of Himalaya, in top of the mountain. So beautiful. But not in reach. I can not do anything with you. I can only watch you beauty but what next? If I can not love you and can't make babies with you. Why should I waste my time on you! I have my needs and as women you should have the quility to satisfy me. I really don't want to die for pleasure. you will remain holy water whole life."

After that I never try to with anyone. He tells me the truth what is the use of it. I can not do what a men wants from women and they don't want sexual disease in exchange of life. It is true! Who want that?

I faced so many people teasing another calling them with mean name. I fell bad for them and also try to run from the place because there
eyes search for another victim. But there words hurt out heart, it feels like stabing on heart by knife. They may feel a minute pleasure by teasing.

Is it not enough we lead a miserable life, they have to add more salt in it,to make our life more miserable.

You may think did I ever think of suicide. Yes I did! I can't even count how many days I look at my celling fan to hang on there. It is a easy way to dead. Water never stops falling from my eyes. I look at my scarf, think I should hang up. Some times in crying I fell in sleep. And sometimes I make connection with my scarf and fan to check, how will the deed will done. After every morning, I think how fool i am . I should not think like that, i would have not get to see the beautiful morning. Noone will cry for me. . It will be sin. I want peace at least after dead.

I used to treat my ownself happy but around other people. I feel lose of air.
I stop going out, ordering food in home and doing my home, sleep, eat. Went to the doctors clenic.

After the age 32 I was fully recovered from my sexual disease. I was free from the curse but it was too late. Noone show interest in old women and noone believe me that I am fine now. I can do sex and have babies. Everyone think I am telling lie. I try to date but.... I try to get married but noone wants old women as there partner,they can find more beautiful women with infecting diseases.
I lost the hope of life and having anyone my life. I start loving loneliness. I have my ownself.

I start often doing mustrabuting. Day, night when ever I feel like that. I know it cause harm to helath but I was the way to make some place and keep myself on the track. Not doing bad things.

I stop daydreaming like used to to get married and have babies, family on my own.

It is me and me and me always till forever.