Disparity // clifford

yellow

/hanna/

the colour of the legal pad the councellor held as she told us that mikey had to go to rehab.

---

"mikey, you have a problem. we have to go." he stubbornly groaned and got off the sofa and walked out the door, not giving me a second glance.

i went back the next day, giving him an ultimatum; he either went to see a councellor, or i leave. he chose the first option. 

ashton helped me make the decision to do that. in fact, i don't think i would've been able to do it without him. my brother is the best.

---

"michael, you have to go to rehab" the smartly dressed, authoratative woman told him. he groaned in responce, obviously not enjoying the idea.

"you have an addiction to a class-a drug. this is the second time your addiction has been brought to our attention and we have no other choice than admit you to a rehabilitation centre a few miles away from here. your girlfriend will be unable to stay with you, but she can visit you every 3 days. you will stay at the centre for 3 weeks, and if you show no signs of improvement, which is unlikely, your stay will be extended to 2 months, do you understand?"

michael begrudgingly nodded in agreement.

"miss jenkins, i will email you any further details, including the contact information of the centre and his date of admission." 

"thank you, kathy, i truely appreciate your help. and i'm sure michael will in the long run."

the woman chuckled lightly, before guiding us out of the room.

---

"rehab? are you fucking kidding me? i'm not addicted again hanna."

"doesn't matter, you felt the need to do it again so that's why you're going."

"well that's fucking bullshit!" he screamed at me, making me jump.

"mikey calm down." i insisted, but his expression didn't change.

"i don't need to go to some fucking centre, hanna, i was stressed so i did it once, that was all!" he screams again, and i take a step away from him. he always used his hands alot when he was angry, trying to get his point across. i guess i was scared that he would accidentally hit me.

"mikey..." i repeated, and he looked at me, and his eyes widened. his expression softened and he rushed up to me and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"i'm sorry baby, i was doing it again, wasn't i?" he soothed, and i nodded against his chest. he pressed a kiss on the top of his head.

"please don't see the rehab thing as a bad thing, it's not like that at all. i love you, and i just don't want to see you hurting yourself again." i told him, before a tear rolled down my cheek as i remembered what happened the first time. he was so depressed all the time, and was only happy if he had some of the poison in the house. if there was a possibility of him getting high, he would choose that over spending time with me. he broke me without even knowing it. that's the reason i went to luke. he made me feel needed and cherished when mikey couldn't. i still loved mikey, and i didn't do it because i didn't love him, i did it because i did. if i never went to luke, i would've left mikey. i would've packed up and left because i just wouldn't have been able to handle it, the lows, the highs, the ignorance. luke was actually the one who told me to take him to see a coucellor the first time. 

"i know baby, but i really hate that place. i hate being there. i hate being away from you." he mumbled into my hair, and i smiled weakly.

"i love you so much mikey." 

"i know princess, i love you to the moon and back."