Disparity // clifford

brown

/mikey/

the colour of the wood of the cabin at the rehabilitation camp, the place i'd be staying for a few months.

---

i fucking hate this place.

i mean, the scenery is nice, and the atmosphere is almost relaxing, but i hate it.

the way the staff look down at you, like you're something they just scraped off the bottom of their shoe.

the way everything is so quiet. it's kinda creepy.

the way hanna isn't here next to me, holding me and telling me that everything will be fine. 

hanna.

i need her like i need the air around me.

she is my life-raft, pulling me to shore.

she is my world.

she is the only thing making me get better, stopping me from running out of this fucking shithole and making everything worse.

i need to fix myself so that she doesn't need to.

so she can be the beautiful, calm and carefree girl i managed to make fall in love with me.

i have a plan for when i get out of here.

i'm going to make her mine.

forever.

i go to all of my therapy sessions.

i eat.

i exercise.

i write music.

i explore the camp.

i even make friends with one or two of the people that are at the centre aswell. 

i find out that even calum hood is here. aka, my ex dealer.

i watch him fall in love with a girl that's obviously perfect for him.

i'm jealous.

i miss hanna.

i need hanna.

even though i get to see her every few days, its not the same. 

i can't sleep next to her, i can't hold her, i can't cuddle up to her and watch movies, and i can't kiss her beautiful lips. 

i'm going to fix myself for you, hanna. it's always for you. it will always be for you.