The one that got away

Chapter 5: Goodbye,my darling love.

Like a bird without wings.
Like an ocean with no waves.
Like a sky with no stars,
you had left me in loneliness.

With you I learned deep love.
I learned passion and now pain.
In my dreams I see your face.
I feel your fingers through my hair.
- Emma -

"My mind is overwhelmed in thoughts. I don't know how to go on with my life knowing all of this and not being able to tell his family. I don't know how to stop wanting to look for him. I don't know how to stop hurting. I just know that the sweet boy that I fell in love almost six years ago had dissapeared and apparently forever. I'm not ready to let him go. I will find him even if I have to put myself at risk." I thought to myself while laying down on my bed.

"Emma, is ready!" Maggie said.
"Are you sure you want to be by yourself?" she asked.
"Yes, don't worry. I'll be fine. You have done more than enough and I'm thankful for that." I reached to her and hugged her. Maggie had been a constant support through all of this but I can't be selfish. I asked her to give me a space even though I don't wanted to be alone. I wanted her to spent more time with her boyfriend Edgar and get distracted from this situation. Of course, since she cares a lot for me she made me dinner before she left. She said; " You can't cook with two good hands, I can't imagine with one almost good hand." I loved her for that. She always find a way to make me smile.

"I will see you tomorrow,okay." Maggie said as she closed the door.

I had been trying not to cry since we got out of the Reservation. I didn't want Maggie to suffer with me.
But now she was gone and I was all alone with a pressure in my chest that I couldn't hold down any longer. I stood up from the bed. I walked to the kitchen and I saw Alexander backpack on top of a chair. It must had been Maggie that brought into the house. I remembered that I put it on the trunk of her car the night of the party and I never took it out. I picked it up and I hold it against my chest. I walked to the living room and I sat down on the sofa thinking if I should opened it or not.
Finally, I found the courage to open it. The first thing I saw was Alex favorite jersey. Nostalgia came over me and I bursted into tears. It still had his smell. I felt the need of holding him in my arms. Of getting close to his warm neck and hug him and never let go.

Acting impulsively, I started to take my shirt out. I wanted to wear his jersey. I didn't thought about how complicated getting dress could be when having a cast in one arm and having pain on the other one. This passed days Maggie had helped me. As I was trying something from my shirt got stuck on the buckle bra and I found myself in an awkward situation.
"Arrrgh ! Really ! What else can happend to me?" I was angry and exhausted at the same time.
"I can't even suffer the way I want to !" I screamed loud.
Suddenly, I heard an unexpected knock on the door.

"Emma, is me Rick !" Alexander's brother said.
"Oh crap !!! Crap, crap... I whispered pulling my shirt really hard. "Ouch, ouch !"

"I'm sorry for coming uninvited. I should had called you. My mom thought it was a good idea to surprised you. She gave me your address." He said.

"That's very nice of you to stop by. Thank you. I'm kind of busy right now. Maybe you can come back tomorrow?"

"Ah, yeah,sure. Emma, I heard you screamed when I got here. Is everything allright ?" he asked.
"Everything is perfect." I said with sarcasms on my voice.
"So, what are you up to? Rick kept asking.

"Please just go." I whispered to myself and then I said out loud; " Aah, just trying out some clothes. You know girls,right."

"That busy ha." He said with disappointment.
"I'm sorry Rick. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just embarrased to tell you that I'm in a very awkward situation right now."
" I promised I won't judge." He sounded sincerely.
"I found your brother's favorite jersey and I wanted to wear it. I started to take my shirt out and it got stuck on my bra. The problem is I have a cast on my right hand and I can't help myself. I'm a mess." I said with embarrassment.
I opened the door and I caught him by surprise with a smile on his face.
"Did you were laughing?" I asked very serious.
"I'm sorry, is not funny." He said putting on a serious face.