Alycia Debnam Carey (gxg)

Lexa

A/n: I suggest you listen to Kinda numb by Tate Mcrae while reading this. ALSO

Not gonna lie, my chest is tighter than before
Yeah, it was me, but why am I lying on the floor?
I never thought I'd be the one to give it up
But then I felt too much then didn't feel enough

I stormed through the tower in Polis searching for Lexa, the missile had just hit TonDC. As i reach the top of the tower where Lexa's room is i hear giggling from inside, i feel my heart drop. I attempt to stop the tears from falling and compose myself before knocking on the door and saying

"Lexa? it's Y/n"

"Go away we're busy" Clarke says comes from inside the room.

"Well it's important..."

"We will deal with it later Y/n." i hear Lexa say in between another fit of giggles.

That's all it takes for me to burst into room and start yelling.

"A missile just hit TonDC it's important for Gods sake!"

Their eyes widen as soon as those words come of out my mouth. Without questioning me again they both get up and start getting dressed and I walk out of the room without saying another word.

And I know that my head's been racing
I don't do well with replacing
Kinda jealous, kinda faking all
And the thought of you with someone else
Made me wanna prove myself
By putting up another stupid wall

I told them about the missile so my job there is done. I walk to my room in the tower and lay down on my bed looking at the ceiling. I've been Lexa's best friend ever since i can remember, but at some point i started catching feelings for the certain brunette with green eyes. It broke me to see her happy with someone that wasn't me but right now we've got to focus on defeating mount weather, after all i am their best warrior.

So I'm sorry if I'm kinda mad
It's maybe 'cause I cared
I thought it wouldn't hurt me bad
But maybe I was scared
And I've been doing bigger things
But you're still everywhere
It's not fair
——————-

"Damnit! " Bellamy says from across the room.
"Calm down Bellamy, we'll figure it out." Octavia says rubbing his back in circles. We're all frustrated because we have no idea how to get in the mountain. Thats when it clicked.

"Wait, we've been trying so hard to break into mount weather, when they've already let us in." i say looking at Bellamy.

"What are you talking about?" says Lexa.

I explain the thought that suddenly came to my mind. After the meeting finishes i walk out not wanting to talk to anyone at all.

Something 'bout you makes me go insane
And there's something making that okay
Yeah I know I shouldn't feel this way
But maybe you feel the same?

I walk back to the tower and a few seconds later i hear footsteps coming my way. Not bothering to look back at who it was, I continue walking. Then I hear her voice calling my name. "Y/n!" Lexa says. She grabs my wrists making me flinch, I snatch my arm back and a confused face looks back at me. "Why are you so upset? You seem distant, i miss you." I look at her and my heart burns, similar to the feeling of sharp daggers plunging into my chest.

Not gonna lie, I know that I messed it all up
I should have tried but I find it so hard to trust
So many lies, I guess I've gotten sorta numb
Wish I could explain why my heart's been acting dumb

"I'm not distant Lexa." I spit coldly at the brunette. "You are, What are you not telling me? Is it because of me and Clarke?" she asks. I look up at her shocked on how she knows.

And I know that my head's been racing
I don't do well with replacing
Kinda jealous, kinda faking all

"i knew it. Why do you hate her so much.? what did she do to you? I know you guys aren't the best of friends but you can at least tr-" I cut her off "The thought of you with someone else, made me wanna prove myself by putting up another stupid wall." I say back at her with tear stained cheeks. I hadn't even realized i started crying.

"Y/n-"

"So i'm sorry if i'm kinda mad it's maybe cause i cared. I thought it wouldn't hurt me bad but maybe I was scared and i've been doing bigger things but you're still everywhere and it's not fair."

I pause for a second before continuing.

"Something About you makes me go insane and there's something making that okay. Yeah i know i shouldn't feel this way but maybe you feel the same?"

"Y/n i'm sorry i-" Lexa pauses

"It was stupid of me to ask. I'm sorry you're clearly in love with her, i'll get out of your way."

Those words were the last to leave my mouth before i turn away and walk back into the tower. I sigh and as soon as i get to my room and start packing. Anything i could find, I was leaving. I couldn't bear seeing her every passing day after this. I walked down the stairs and leave. I was already gone and there was nothing she could do about it.