My heart is finally starting to heal

Pain and love

TW: mentions of suicide

   He stood in front of her, staring deep into the eyes of the woman he loves the most. She stared back with sadness and maybe love? Her heart had been shattered so many times that she couldn't believe the pieces were forming together again.

No words had been spoken since they arrived to the Byers new house. Hopper reached a hand out to cup her cheek and wipe away a stray tear with his thumb.
"I'm home." He spoke quiet but clearly.
"I believed you were dead for all that time. You went through the unimaginable. The pain you must've felt. I can't remember the last night I didn't cry. Life has been tired and sickening for me and for our daughter. I missed you so much, hop..." he stopped her and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. "Our daughter." He repeated with a smile and bent down to press a passionate kiss to her lips.

It felt like time stopped and the seconds on the clock were paused. The last two puzzle pieces were placed together. Her lips were soft and his were fairly chapped. They pulled away for air, his hands cupping both sides of her face as he rests his forehead against hers and whispers "I love you" she pulled back to look into his eyes which were filled with hope. "God, Hop." She broke eye contact and stared down at her living room floor.

"I love you, Joyce. I've loved you for a long time. Before I was taken by the Russians, before bob, before will went missing, before you married Lonnie. Deep down I think I've always loved you. And when I was back there, i thought that I would never get the chance to tell you, and it killed me. You mean everything to me. You're my world and I know that sounds cliche, but it's true." There was a short silence, then he continued. "I asked you out to enzos the first time because I wanted you to see that I had changed. I wanted the chance to show you how much I really cared about you."

She stood on the tip of her toes and pressed her lips against his, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"I love you too, Hop. So much." She started to cry so he pulled her down onto his lap on the couch. Joyce grabbed a fistful of his shirt, she buried her face against his chest.

Hopper laid back so she was cuddled up against his side, trapped between the back couch cushion and him. Her leg was thrown over his hips, his arm around her protectively. "Don't ever leave me again." He kissed the top of her head. "I won't."

"Good because we both almost didn't survive it the first time." She joked. He looked down at her. "What do you mean?" He asked. She sighed and looked up to meet his wandering eyes. "It was just hard and it never got easier. If anything it got harder. I was willing to try anything to make the pain go away. Everything from medication to therapy. And none of that worked." She was going to stop there but he had her continue. "Everyone fills that hole differently. For me it was drinking and screwing half of Hawkins." He joked and she laughed with him. But that quickly faded when she started to talk again. "One night I was laying in bed and I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and reached over to get my pain killers and my cup of water. I dumped the entire bottle in my hands and took two at a time until the bottle was empty. Then I grabbed my anxiety medication and did the same thing. I felt weak and like I could throw up. I started shaking and I could barely move my hands. I wasn't regretting it at all. I was happy that it was finally gonna be over. All of it. I past out and when I woke up the next day I was confused. I thought It was a dream, so I checked the bottle. I opened the top and it was empty. You're the first person to hear about this."

She hadn't let go of the grip on his shirt. "Joyce.... If it were to have worked, and I came back and found out you were dead... if anything like that happens again, talk to me. I don't care what time it is or where I'm at or who I'm with. I'm here for you whenever you need me." He kissed the top of her head and stood up, carrying her to her bedroom.

He laid her down and tucked her under the covers before going to the other side, getting into bed and wrapping his arm around her. They lay in the same position as they were on the couch. She tilted her head to look up at him. He kissed her lips, then her cheek. "Goodnight" He leaned over to turn off the lamp. "Mmm goodnight." She hummed. They got comfy and started to drift off. "I love you, honey." He said quietly. "I love you too." She said back.