I still love you

We will work it out, I trust you

Mia: What I mean is sometimes, we just have to let our heart tell us what we have to do next instead of using our logic. Sometimes the heart can be a better solution than your brain

My conversation still ringed through my head, even when I was treating a patient. This was something that was easier said than to be done.

Jahoon: Looking through the test we have done today and from what I can see, there doesn't seem to be anything serious with this strong baby boy. It seems like he is suffering from a little rash but you don't have to worry. This is quite normal for babies since their skin hasn't yet been adapted to the environment outside of their mommy's belly, isn't that right little one?

I poked the baby boy on his tighs, then his stomach, and lastly on his nose, making him smile widely. I couldn't help but smile at the sight. His mum thanked me for the help and left the room after taking the receipt that I had given for herself. As soon as the door was closed, I breathed out a sigh. I looked at the door, thinking that was going to be me soon. Carrying a child like that in my arms, that would smile at me whenever they were looking at me. I breathed out again and smiled to myself. Suddenly my phone began to vibrate inside of my pocket. I took it out to find the caller id to be Jungeun.

Jahoon: Hello?

Jungeun: Honey.... are you free from work yet?

Jahoon: Just one more patient, then I'm free to go. Why?

Jungeun: There is something that I want to talk about and I also have something in preparation for you when you come home.

Jahoon: Ah okay.... I will finish about in about half an hour. I will be home by 5 pm.

Jungeun: Alright. See you and I love you.

Before I could even answer back, Jungeun had already cut off the line. I pulled my phone away from my ear and looked at it like it was going to ring again. That was weird..... Something was definitely bothering her. I could easily tell it from the tone of her voice but before I could think any further, the door to my room opened up again, revealing one of my secretaries that the patient was ready to be seen. I nodded and told them to come inside and continued doing my work but still with Jungeun on my mind.

Jahoon: I'm home!

I took off my shoes and jacket at the entrance before walking inside the house with my bag in my right hand. As soon as I walked inside, I was greeted by the smell of food from the kitchen. Just at the thought of food, Jungeun's head popped out from the kitchen and looked at me with a small smile.

Jungeun: Oh! You are home, honey! Go and clean up yourself first, then we can eat dinner together.

I nodded and followed her words, going into the bathroom to take a bath and also to gain the confidence I needed to confess to Jungeun. After I had finished, I just threw on some comfortable clothes and walked downstairs to see Jungeun already sitting at the dining table.

Jungeun: Just at the right moment! Come and sit.

Jahoon: What is the occasion for this? You have even prepared my favorite food.

Jungeun suddenly grew quiet and just looked down at the table. I kept quiet, giving her the time she needed. After about a moment she looked up to meet my eyes and spoke again.

Jungeun: It has been about two months now since..... since what happened....

I nodded, thinking back to the time I found out she had cheated on me. I didn't answer her back, letting her continue.

Jungeun: I felt so ashamed and angry at myself for cheating on you when the only thing that you have done for me is to love me for who I am with your whole heart.... I'm so sorry to have broken your trust..... Can we please work things out between us? And return to how things were before everything had happened?

Jungeun looked at me with pleading eyes, tears on the brink of falling. My heartfelt trouble and I couldn't even find the word to speak. My mouth just opened and then closed right after again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before meeting her eyes again.

Jahoon: Before I answer your question.... I have something that I have to come to clean off first.... That day after I had left, I had been walking mindlessly thing about what had happened and were almost hit by a car if it weren't for Jinsoul, who happened to help me. After that, she brought me back to her apartment to treat my wounds, and..... we somehow ended up sleeping together and I made her pregnant.....

I looked down at the table, not daring to look at her face. She didn't say anything at all, making me uneasy. I was prepared to hear her mocking me, telling me that I wasn't any better than herself but to my surprise, she laid her hand on top of mine, making me look at her.

Jungeun: Do you still love her?

I looked at her with surprised eyes. Do I still love her?

Jahoon: I... I don't know.... I love you but....

Jungeun: But you also have some feelings that you can't leave her alone?

I nodded and looked at her with realization in my eyes. I loved Jungeun but I also still had feelings for Jinsoul.

Jahoon: I'm a stupid egoistic person right for loving two people?

Jungeun shook her head with a smile and squeezed my hand.

Jungeun: You aren't egoistic. Love isn't something you can decide for yourself. Of course, we have crushes and someone who we think we love but at the end who we truly love aren't always the people we expect and are someone who we may have thought to be together with. Love isn't something we choose who and when to happen but instead will come to us at the right moment with the right person. That's why I don't think it is egoistic.

Jahoon: But aren't you feeling sad about it? To see the one you love also have feelings for someone else?

Jungeun: But am I feeling sad about it? Of course, I am but I would rather for you to be happy with another person than to have you lingering around me without being happy. Sometimes love can hurt but sometimes we also have to let go of the person.

I processed everything Jungeun said in my head. Love isn't something you chose but something that comes to you. Sometimes letting go is better than holding on..... but what if you can't let either of them go? But what Jungeun said next surprised me.

Jungeun: I don't know about Jinsoul but if she wants, then we can maybe somehow work it out. I trust you Jahoon, even after all of my mistakes, I still trust you with everything. And I also trust you are going to fix this. If anyone is ever going to fix something like this, then that person is you. Even if it means that I'm going to share you with Jinsoul, then I'm fine.

Jahoon: What have I done to have you in my life? I don't deserve you.

Jungeun: And I don't deserve you but here we are.

I stood up and walked over to hug Jungeun, tears on the brink of running from my eyes. Jungeun hugged me back with a smile on her face and tried to soothe me a little by rubbing her hand on my back. We then continued our dinner and began talking like we used to back before any of this had happened. We even returned back to sleep in the same bedroom again, cuddling up against each other. After talking for a while, Jungeun ended up falling asleep in my arms. I looked at her face and smiled, putting away a stray hair behind her ear. The last thought I had on my mind before falling asleep on my own, was that I didn't deserve her at all and that I had to fix this. I have to.